This article is part of the YouTube Tour series.
SH: Oh nice, some Lady Gaga. By drama students.
DFH: Shot at the County Community Theater.
SH: So here's a serious question: Do you think this fellow was "born this way"?
SH: By "this way" I mean, fucking precocious and hammy as shit
DFH: I think having an overbearing personality is a choice, Satellite High.
SH: You know, I bet this guy really COULD write a bad romance. I bet it would be filled with "throbbing manhood" and "heaving bodice"
DFH: The fair princess falling in love with the humble but remarkably talented bard ...
SH: I think I meant "heaving bosom." I don't think I actually know what "bodice" means. I also still think babies come from storks and that Lady Gaga writes her own songs.
DFH: First things first: I want to point out that these guys are on EMI, so evidently the music industry believes the people have spoken, and they demand cute detached irony.
SH: This sounds exactly like the original except with a girl singing! Why would you do this? Is this what the kids call "GENDERFUCK"?
DFH: She can really rip your world, and your notions of the gender binary, apart.
SH: In this context it is a cautionary tale, or maybe an advanced "COCKBLOCKING MANUEVER" that the author of The Game has yet to discover. You're trying to lay down a sweet neg on an HB8, her friend comes over and is like "WATCH OUT BOY, SHE'LL CHEW YOU UP" and then you run away and quake in the corner and shiver a lot because you are a weird awkward shell of a human being who buys books about how to fake-hypnotize girls into guilt-sex.
DFH: Yeah, but at least this time a lady talked to you first, counts as a win.
SH: SHE'LL ONLY COME OUT AT NIGHT
SH: So don't worry, you can still do your errands without running into this dangerous lady of mystery
SH: Who may or may not be in Pomplamoose.
DFH: She only comes out at night, during the day she's busy editing video of a toy xylophone.
SH: Maybe cutting hair at a place that advertises 'unisex' haircuts but makes everybody look like Justin Bieber.
DFH: "No, no, trust me, it's hip. I should know. Maybe you've heard of my band, Pomplamoose?"
SH: Alright, fuck this. I gotta split, I have reached my limit of hearing songs be ruined.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Here are some cool music things, maybe u should check them out. And/or here are some terrible music things, maybe u should check them out if u like to laugh or maybe u should avoid them if u get really angry when u see something stupid.
Daryl 'Fucking' Hall and Satellite High riff on the worst music YouTube has to offer. Amateur covers, nerdcore rap, dadrock -- it's all here! Take a free ride!