Hello goons. Asking for advice on the internets isn't really my thing, but I decided otherwise to post this question here.
My name is Ryan, I'm 20 years old, and I live in Lynnwood, WA. I live with my parents and go to school full time when it's not summer. I also have never done a girl (nor a guy). I haven't even had a serious girlfriend. In fact, I've barely even made out with a girl in my first 20 years of life. I know, this is sad. I'm not some kind of subhuman mutant or obnoxious and repulsive like many in my situation are, which is why I don't know what went wrong and how I can fix it.
Basically, I want you to give me pointers and advice about how to woo this woman. I can handle the rest after that, guys.
Ok, so let me get right down to the matter. Before I was a freshman in college, I really had no interest in women. However, about halfway through freshman year I walked into Introduction to Biology one day and noticed this really beautiful girl. I knew right then and there that I HAD to have her. I mustered up enough courage to talk to her (Kelly, name changed) and eventually ask for her number. We started to hang out in a big group, comprised mostly of her friends, but were not dating yet (she actually had a boyfriend at the time).
She soon broke it off with that boy, having a reputation for messing around with boys and then dumping them, and we began to date. I was in love. Our physical relationship developed quickly (at least what I believe was quickly because I had never done anything with a girl before) and we began to get very serious. Alienating all of our friends, we consumed each others lives. Our grades dropped as our respective fondness grew, but that was no matter for us.
Two and a half years later (I'm a rising senior in college now), problems arise. About a month ago, Kelly began to shiver and shudder every time we made love. I dismissed it as something normal. However, the reaction then began to appear when I made the slightest physical advance, like hugging her. It has gotten to the point where I can not touch her without her being revolted by me. As I have said, I do not know what is normal in a relationship situation seeing as I have never been in one before.
What should I do, then, if she cannot even bear to touch me?
Zeph Mercurial posted:
I've got...a bit of a situation here. I'm getting ready to go out in the world and get a life. 90% of my wardrobe consists of the exact same gimmick: T-shirts and stretch pants. I'm 5'6", or for you goons on the metric system, 167 cm. I'm on the heavy side, with a square shape. I have a larger chest than waist and hips.
I'm trying to figure out what I should wear based on this.
I tend to prefer a conservative look. Bright colors, especially orange, make me look even more hideous, so I go for darker colors. Because of my constant pant size fluctuations, I don't tend to prefer jeans.
Hey I recently found a lump on my right testicle, it's most certainly gotten bigger since I found it it's about marble sized at the moment, I have no pain really. Was just curious how you tell the difference between how a tumor acts and how cancer acts.
Oh and I saw a doctor about it, he said he thought it was a cyst but to be sure I should have an ultrasound, but I couldn't afford it, that's why I am seeking reassurance and information here. Thanks!
Did Louis C.K. jerk off in front of two female comics? And why are these ladies squandering an opportunity to learn from a comedy legend?
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.