Somethingawful is one of those websites that is comparable to the cool kids club on a grade school playground. When I say "the cool kids club" I am referring to the circle of bullies that usually accepts members based on who is the biggest condescending bully. I have also compared registration years to grade-school years. One could say that an 06 is a year older than an 07 and therefore withholds the right to claim internet superiority. If an 07 attempts to defend himself he will be beaten savagely on the playground until a mod, or "yard duty" makes a choice to intervene. The SA forums are a lot like a playground in some ways. The flames that will result from this paragraph are already predictable, tired and used. Had I not said this sentence they would have likely been used.
"Manboobs wasn't part of the cool kids club". etc. The predictability, repetitiveness and unoriginal style in flaming on this website is poor and sad. Without any material that can actually hurt me, you are only left to speculation. With the exception of a few of you, it should be obvious why I am not putting massive amounts of thought into a witty retort to your flames.
I've also noticed that a trolls success can be monumental or non-existent, depending on a few factors naturally. The person who is being trolled can either ignore the troll or make it worse for himself/herself by taking the bait and attracting more trolls as he valiantly attempts to make a defense. At this point the trolls posting career is either made or broken depending on the actions of the person being trolled. I have of course already said this and knowingly brought this on myself. A successful troll will always see a rise in his e-popularity, and a really successful troll will become part of the Hall of Fame (SAcyclopedia). I have learned a lot from this, and of course how to avoid trolls.
I have also noticed the massive amount of asskissing towards the more popular mods. Such men and women of immense e-stature more than likely have earned their position/reputation. Probably by not posting much in their early posting careers and flaming only when they saw potential to rise through the ranks by doing so. And for whatever reason they decided to stay out of this shitty thread is left to speculation. I would assume it is because they probably don't give a shit about an 07 who chose to go down in flames.
Here's my ideal scenario:Me :: I just bought Baldur's Gate 2 for the PS2!Wonderfully cute girl :: great! It's two players. Mind if I play?Me :: Sure.Girl :: Can I sit there while we play? *points to my dilznick*Me :: Yes. Yes you can.And we live happily ever after
I'd like to meet Kurama from Yu Yu Hakusho. Dear God...he is cute.But I wouldn't be squeeing. To his face, anyway.We'd go to the library and get some books, then go to my place and have some deep philosophical discussions (These things usually end up in me gloating about my superior intelligence. People, I can play Xenosaga and understand every last reference.)Then we'd head to the arcade where we play Dance Dance Revolution. Since I'm a fat lazy dirtbag, Kurama mops the floor with my ass.Of course, he's tired, so we go to the park and chill. He pulls a rose out of his hair which makes me raise an eyebrow WTF style.He tries to play it off, but I don't buy it. "You've got a secret, I've gotta know it."
He somehow manages to keep his cool. I wonder how this man does it.I start humming something by the Cruxshadows.We just stare at trees and talk for a while until I'm half-asleep. Instinctively I lean against Kurama's shoulder and stare at the sky. Boredly I fire a spirit beacon at a tree and we end up talking about witchcraft.
I launch into a lengthy clambake about Discordianism and Kurama interrupts me. "...The ones who worship Eris?""...Ya. How do you know about them?""How can I ignore the yells of 'HAIL ERIS!' and 'ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!' going through my school?""...Meiou High has Discordians?""Yes, actually, we do."
I'm nervous as hell at this point. I just mutter reflexively.
"...Fnord."Kurama looks at me like my brain was left at home. "...That...was random, Anima."I turn red a little. "Damn...sorry. The autism's getting to me."
We get into another clambake about my Asperger's Syndrome.
"We're both born with some interesting things aren't we?" he asks."What do you have besides being a total brainiac?""...Well...let's just say that the numerous girls who call me a so-called sexy fox are not lying.""Wait, what?" I am seriously lost at this point.
Kurama tells me his life story.Apparently from his small laughs, I'm amusing him.
"I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh?" I launch into the Goodfellas routine, which makes me and Kurama both burst into laughter until we hear a sharp "Hn." come from a tree."...Trees talk?" I ask.Kurama chuckles again. "...Oh, no. That's just Hiei. He's following me again."Hiei was hit by my spirit beacon earlier. So he slashes at me with his sword, upon which I do a tailslide onto the ground and end up with my face under Kurama's legs. "...Dammit."Kurama laughs at the awkwardness and helps me to my feet. "...What was that all about?""She hit me with a spirit gun.""...No no no, Hiei. Spirit Beacon. BEACON. It's not an attack. It's like a bat's sonar.""...So she's a spirit affinity like Kuwabara.""Sort of."
Evil Cooper and Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov have both been on a rampage, but who did what?
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.