99% of the time rape is reprehensible. 99% of the time rape is an action so horrific it deserves universal contempt. But there are rare instances in which even the act of rape can in fact be justified. Here are four off the top of my head:1. As punisment for a false accusation of rape in which the punishment has already been meted out.
Suppose Heather has a crush on Dick, a man with suitably Freudian moniker. Heather hits on Dick, but Dick takes no notice of her. In reality, Dick wants nothing to do with Heather. Heather, after realizing this, plots revenge. She goes to a bar and lies to the tough guys there "I was raped! Dick did it!"
The mob, riled up, surrounds Dick and beats him to death, despite Dick's pleas. They leave, while Heather examines the corpse. Unbeknownst to her, a big black man was watching the entire ordeal, from the accusation to the beating.
"I saw what you did," says the black man, "and now you're gonna get what's coming to you". It would be that man's moral right to rape the living shit out of that worthless cunt.
Alternatively, suppose after the beating, Dick gets back up, but the hemmoraging in his brain leaves him only five minutes to live. Dick too would have the right to rape her within the remaining timeframe of his life. Since he was punished for a crime he didn't do, he might as well commit it.2. As retribution for a previously committed rape.
Suppose there's this really dorky kid. Every day a hot bombshell of a babe torments him in school. Rubbing up against him, grabbig his balls and cock, saying she wants him. This drives him to the point of lustful insanity, and he wants no more of it.
The kid, eager to get revenge, enlists the help of a friend. The friend will be on the lookout, while he makes his move.
The girl comes in and starts harassing him.
"Come on baby, I want that hot cock up my pulsating pussy." she says.
"You're wish is my comand, ma'am" replies the kid, as he physically throws himself upon his assailant, assailing her in return. He presses up against her, copping a feel, rubbing. When he has satisfied himself, he stops, much to the horror of the girl.
This too is an act of justifiable rape. It is akin to a kidnapped victim strangling his kidnapper with the very ropes used to tie him up. This also happened in real life. I was the friend who did the lookout.3. As punishment for a revealing form of dress.
Suppose there's this girl, let's call her Sarah. Sarah lives a rotten lifestyle. She swears at her parents, drinks, does drugs, goes to parties, and gets fucked up. Worst of all, she dresses like a total slut, but only lets popular guys fuck her.
One day at a party full of drugged up scumbags, she passes out on the sofa. A scumbag teenager takes advantage of her. While the act of raping her would be wrong, considering the lifestyle she leads, it would also serve as a wake up call to her as well as her getting her just deserts. Therefore, in a sense, raping her would be justified.4. As a last recourse to save the human race from extinction.
There is a nuclear war. The survivors are divided into two groups. 10,000 men, and 10,000 nuns (alternatively, 10,000 militant man-hating lesbians). The only way to save the human race is through the act of vaginal intercourse. But there's a catch. the nuns/lesbians do not want to have sex. And they are adamant.
Therefore, to save the human race, the only viable option would be for the 10,000 men to rape the 10,000 women, preferably tying them down so that multiple children could be administered.
Though a woman's sexual and reproductive rights are sacred, they pale in comparison to the survival to the human race.
I hope you enjoyed this dissertation, and I hope it generates some intelligent, profound discussion.
Paleo guru and definite non-idiot Luke K. clears the air about some of your favorite pumpkin treats this holiday season. Also he weighs in on the controversy surrounding a paleo wedding cake.
One wizard thinks our President's magic control initiatives have gone too far.
The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.