666 posted:

Realize that falling in love with someone is just the results of a series of generic events that can occur between you and basically anyone who meets your standards of attractiveness. It's just an emotional manifestation of a handfull of chemicals bouncing back and forth. It's not the holy grail of living, it's not your reason to exist and it's definitely not something reserved for "that one person." Accept that you are just an animal with a big brain that allows him to fret over what only amounts to a game of hormone pool. What you're feeling is not your soul dying a gurgling, ugly death, but withdrawal. All the happy chemicals that saturated your body when you were with him are kicking out cold turkey, and your body is screaming bloody murder, where are my fucking endorphins? It's just chocolate. Find a new bar.
Eronarn's chatlog posted:
<Eronarn|whiskey> OK I am sufficiently liquored up that I can now tell stories about my weekend
<foxxtrot> Ero, do you think we care?
<Eronarn|whiskey> foxxtrot: It is a pretty fucking insane weekend, actually
<Eronarn|whiskey> I was in a foursome!
...
<Eronarn|whiskey> I was actually in one
<Eronarn|whiskey> Four guys
<Eronarn|whiskey> And
<Eronarn|whiskey> Kirtaner was one of them
...
<Eronarn|whiskey> I will start at the beginning
<Eronarn|whiskey> Tairn, Kirt was on e, benzedrine, and alcohol at the time
<Eronarn|whiskey> He wanted to be pounded in the ass
...
<Eronarn|whiskey> I will start from the beginning
<Eronarn|whiskey> This started on Thursday
<Eronarn|whiskey> I went to Kirt's place at about 8 or 9 after a day of shopping, I picked up a nice swiss army surplus backpack
<Eronarn|whiskey> We didn't do much, I just kind of crashed on the couch
<Eronarn|whiskey> And he drank a bunch of my whiskey while I was sleeping
<Eronarn|whiskey> We woke up in the morning - I had breakfast, he was passed out on account of the alcohol
<Eronarn|whiskey> Later one of his friends came over, one he doesn't see in a while but that I talk to a lot
<Eronarn|whiskey> They and another guy had a few smokes, some weed, a beer or two
<Eronarn|whiskey> Then Kirt took some benzedrine
<Eronarn|whiskey> Which really, really fucked him up to the point that we hadn't even left the room and he was tripping on the carpet
<Eronarn|whiskey> We end up leaving an hour late because of his antics, and make it to the con late
<Eronarn|whiskey> We were gonna hit a liquor store but had to pass because of that, so all we had is all I brought (a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of vodka)
<Eronarn|whiskey> We got there at around 7, worked on trying to set up a webcam with my laptop so we could get footage walking around the con
<Eronarn|whiskey> Not much happened until they started rolling
<Eronarn|whiskey> Kirt took four pills
<Eronarn|whiskey> two swallowed, one railed, one plugged
...
<Eronarn|whiskey> So we make it to the dance eventually
<Eronarn|whiskey> Yeah, AMV dance
<Eronarn|whiskey> I just sat on the side keeping the people on e/alcohol/whatever company
<Eronarn|whiskey> I made out with Kirt and a girl
<Eronarn|whiskey> He was on e
<Dth|DDO> You weren't
<Eronarn|whiskey> Yes, but it would've killed it for him if I had said no
<Eronarn|whiskey> Since he was already hugging me and shit
...
<Eronarn|whiskey> I didn't take it until everyone else was already pretty high, maybe midnight-ish.
...
<Eronarn|whiskey> Anyways, we wandered around for a while
<Eronarn|whiskey> Found a room we could sleep in
<Eronarn|whiskey> We didn't actually sleep, though
<Eronarn|whiskey> Just kind of all hung out until maybe 4
<Eronarn|whiskey> Then one of the guys took a shower, and one thing led to another and we had a foursome
<foxxtrot> "One thing led to another" is the worst storytelling device, ever
<Eronarn|whiskey> Well technically there were five people but one was a kind of creepy older guy that was on the other bed, one of the guys on our bed just went to visit with him for a bit
<Eronarn|whiskey> And the sixth guy was sleeping
<Eronarn|whiskey> foxxtrot: I can describe it if you want but it's not that entertaining
<Eronarn|whiskey> So after that
<Eronarn|whiskey> We chilled for a while
<Eronarn|whiskey> Got dressed, went downstairs
...
<Eronarn|whiskey> Anyways
<Eronarn|whiskey> Later Kirt got depressed
<Eronarn|whiskey> He got depressed because of girl problems
<Eronarn|whiskey> (his girlfriend broke up with him and that night elbowed him in the face to get him away from her)
<Eronarn|whiskey> So now that he wasn't feeling as happy since the e was gradually fading (going down from the 4+ pills he had to relatively normal levels)
<Eronarn|whiskey> He took a LOT more benzedrine
<Eronarn|whiskey> Like six pills
<Eronarn|whiskey> He took a shitload more benzedrine
<Eronarn|whiskey> And basically went into a coma
<Eronarn|whiskey> His eyes were open
<Eronarn|whiskey> But we couldn't get him to respond to any stimulus
<Eronarn|whiskey> For several hours
<Eronarn|whiskey> We later found out that he had tried to kill himself
<Eronarn|whiskey> And taken benzos washed down with alcohol
<Eronarn|whiskey> If he hadn't still been on e, he would have died
<Eronarn|whiskey> When he woke up he was really fucked up
<Eronarn|whiskey> He stole my e
<Eronarn|whiskey> And took it
<Eronarn|whiskey> (the benzos he had taken previously were stolen, too)
<Eronarn|whiskey> He ended up fucking the best friend of the girl that dumped him (he is madly in love with her and wanted to marry her)
<Eronarn|whiskey> While SHE WAS ON E
<Eronarn|whiskey> PS she is 15
More The Great Goon Database

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

About This Column

The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful