Some Other Goon posted:
If I have sent you a message unsolicited, be aware that I have done so as part of a cruel joke I continue to play on myself. I am apparently compelled to raise my hopes that you will respond, even though it is a basic fact of reality that you will not do so under any circumstance. This is a shame, as I would feel less like a non-person were I even to receive a message consisting of "GO AWAY FOREVER" in response to anything I've sent--and I would obey such an imperative as it would mesh very well with my worldview. Still, feel free to continue proving to me (as so many of you do) that I am not deserving of anything close to real social contact.
23 yrs, 0 partners. i'm more or less asexual and anorgasmic. i starting masturbating late, but even that hasn't hooked me on orgams, let alone women like you'd think.now sex is normal for most people, and i've had to turn people down. but i've turned down sex for reasons like 'my apartment is untidy', 'not sure if my rubbers havent expired', 'you're a friend', 'you're a friend's girlfriend', 'i am not gay'.. well that'd be it i guess
Looks-wise, I'm Uotani Arisa from Fruits Basket. Personality wise, I'm a combination of Gaignun Kukai Jr. from Xenosaga, Hiei from Yuu Yuu Hakusho, and Suigintou from Rozen Maiden.
Basically I'm a gung-ho, adventure hungry, social hermit crab with an inferiority complex.
As an elementary education major and future teacher, this thread is scaring the hell out of me.
Here's what some parent of a decent child did to me on Friday afternoon. Every friday a few friends and I go to a very nice playground modeled after an old western town, (the kind of thing I wish I knew about when I was a child) and we play with nerf guns there, note that we're all in our 20's. We usually try to go later in the day so that there would be less children, but the park usually always has between 15 and 30 kids running around in it, which it should be considering it is the nicest looking playground I've ever seen and kids should have fun. My 5 friends and I have a rule that if kids are within 10 feet of one of us we shouldn't shoot our nerf guns, and we don't, however kids will always follow us around because what we're doing looks fun, more fun then they're probably having, we don't have a problem with this, if a kid gets too close we'll stop playing for a minute and run away. We've never really had a problem besides the occasional annoying kid picking up our nerf darts here and there.
On friday however there were just three of us in the park playing, he already had played a few rounds and no kids were even paying attention to us, until this little boy maybe 6 years old starts to follow me around, nothing unusual, my friends know to put the game on hold while I hop a few fences to get away from him, so I start to leave and then I hear some man yelling "HEY! HEY".
I turn around and the kid's father is giving me one hell of a look. I just give him a glance and keep going in the other direction when he says, "hey idiot I'm talking to you" I start getting red and I turn around and ask the guy what the hell he wants. he then tells me some story about how I was shooting at his kid and he wasn't happy about it. It couldn't have been true so I walked over to him and tell him "you must have been mistaken, I did not shoot at your child." The guy starts yelling and going at lengths about how some 20 year old kid without a child shouldn't be at a playground fucking around and told me if I didn't leave he'd call the cops on me. I told him to fuck off and I went over to my friends who were watching the whole thing 30 or so feet away. I told them what happened and asked them if we should leave, and they told me not to worry about him and we just went to the other side of the park and continued our game. less than 5 minutes later the guy comes walking back over to us and seriously puts his kid right in front of me, and gets right in my face.
Guy: I thought I fucking warned you.Scott Justice: Man, this is a big park, just leave me alone, I can't understand why you want to start shit with me (I was screaming this because I lost my patience)G: So you're gonna curse in front of my son now?SJ: Man just leave me alone, I didn't do anything to you.
The guy walked away and I thought it was over.
10 minutes later the cops come and talk to me, apparently this guy was a big deal in this town, (I should have guessed since he was wearing a suit in 80+ degree weather and had a blue tooth headset jammed up his ear) The cops are actually cool with us but tell us that we have to leave because they know the guy will make a big deal about this otherwise. so we left, but I can't wait to go back next week and see if that guy is there again. maybe someone here could help me think up something to say to him.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.