Some Other Goon posted:
All summer, I've been seeing commercials for Chuck E. Cheese every ten minutes on Cartoon Network (the only channel I really watch), so my girlfriend and I decided to go there yesterday. I was so fucking excited to go there, eat pizza, play games and get tickets to win awesome prizes, but I was not lucky to experience any of that.
During the hour-long drive there, we talk about all the fun we used to have there as kids and how great it's gonna be to go there now and how much fun we're going to have. We finally get there and the place looks like it's closed. It wasn't, so that was a good sign, I thought.
We go inside and it looked like hell in there. Looking around, there were at least four games that were out of order, and all the games looked like they sucked anyway, not how I remembered it. The next thing I see are signs everywhere proclaiming that all games cost one token, and this soul crushing statement: "All games win four tickets". Yeah, no matter which game you decide to play and how great you do at it, you only get four tickets. I glanced over to the prize table and it looked like everything (all the half-decent stuff anyway) was over 1000 tickets.
Oh well, there's still the pizza and the show, right? Wrong. We walk down the aisle to get in and order our food, and this exchange took place between me and the guy letting everyone in:Me: Hi.Bastard: Are you guys eighteen?Me: No, we're seventeen.Bastard: Well then I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
I figured he asked because it would be really creepy to be over eighteen in Chuck E. Cheese without a little kid. But no. What the fuck, you can't be in a place meant for small children if you're under eighteen? So we left and were very disappointed. I'm still pretty pissed about this.
My 21st birthday is coming up in a few weeks. Now, since I'm not that into the bar scene, I'm opting out of that part of the 21st festivities. Instead I've got a 5 course dinner planned (with plenty of wine, of course).
But I have NO idea what to do AFTER dinners over. I need your help to come up with something that will keep the party entertaining once we're finished eating. Suggestions?
Nightclubs are a fucking joke.
The idea is that you pay to enter an establishment where the bouncers and bartenders treat you like crap, it smells of the crotchfluids of thousands of nights of desperate tweenagers, the booze is overpriced and the music is shit. Where do you get off? Just admit it right now, you clubbers in this thread - you don't actually enjoy the music they play at clubs. No one does. It's just an arbitrary beat that you can feebly jiggle your pelvis to in order to attract some stupidly drunk hussy that you followed to the bloody club.It also seems that most of the positive sentiment towards clubs comes from Americans. Get yourselves a decent pub over there, then come back and talk.
Evil Cooper and Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov have both been on a rampage, but who did what?
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.