Bareback Rodeo posted:
I got to university the other morning and in the courtyard in front of the library there was an unconscious girl on the ground. An ambulance had parked itself nearby, the paramedics had set up some sort of monitoring equipment, and a foil-blanket of sorts was draped over the girl's body. Blood was dripping from her head and nose, and her friend was squatting next to her, in tears, clutching a mobile phone in her hand.
I asked the squatting-girl what was wrong, but she didn't look at me. The paramedics shuffled around me to get more equipment out of the ambulance, and I asked her again what happened to her friend. No answer.
Then you'll never guess what happened. Her phone started to ring, and it played the theme to Welcome Back Kotter. It was an MP3 file or something, it had the words and everything. Anyway, she wasn't answering it. She was just hunched over, staring at her friend, and crying. I thought I'd lighten the mood a bit so I sang a few bars. I must have sang it pretty loudly, because the old paramedic lady glared at me for a bit, and then told me to stop singing.
I didn't mean to, but I completely burst out laughing. The whole situation just seemed so absurd. In hindsight, though, laughing was probably a bit insensitive.
I'm a 25 year old dude living in Morgantown, WV. Both my parents are dead and I have one living older brother. This is pretty much my all of my immediate family, save for one uncle. I have no job (I abhor labor), and I loathe school. Nothing in my life has satisfied me enough to want to stick to any kind of permanence in routine. I can't budget, I blow my money on ridiculous purchases (beer, electronics), and I don't keep up with bills. I'm weak-willed, callow, and quick to judge. I guess the only plus here is that I recognize these personality issues and I want to fix them.
I want a do-over. I want to be able to start completely over again.
I've been thinking about liquidating my possessions and traveling a for a while, to try to get my head clear and reprioritize what is important in my life. I don't want to be a lazy fuckwad forever. Someone once told me that people have a "switch" that gets flipped in their 20's, and they either shit or get off the pot. Needless to say, I have been shit-lessly occupying the toilet for years.
My plan is to sell everything I have (not a lot- years of on again off again employment has left me with few items), pack a camping backpack and hit the road. I plan on doing this with little or no money. I am portly(read: fat), so the time out would undoubtedly get my physique into better shape. I've also heard that once the body is healthy, the mind follows. I want to travel through the heartland- Ohio, Indiana- and the Mountain passes into the West.
I think I'm capable of this- I just want to hear advice from someone who has done this or considered doing this before. Also, if I do choose to go through with this, I plan to document my travels with words and pictures and report back here.
There are kids out there who do want to be abused. While they're still immature, it is, technically, consensual, which is what I was getting at.
The first time "fast", "decisive", and "efficient" could have been used to describe the Minecraft development team was when they snatched the $2.5 billion dollar check out of Microsoft's sweaty, shaking hand.
Paleo guru and definite non-idiot Luke K. clears the air about some of your favorite pumpkin treats this holiday season. Also he weighs in on the controversy surrounding a paleo wedding cake.
No lifeguard on duty. Maze run at your own risk.
The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.