ultra waitress! posted:
Helpful Information: I work at a very strange head shop/porn store/random shit market. That said, 300 lb., balding, middle aged, crazy eyed pizza hut employee walks in...
Me: Hi! How can I help you today?Guy: I need to get a third anniversary present.Me: 'kay. What're you looking for?Guy: I'm not gonna tell you my life story, but... I spent fifteen years doing everything I could to get a woman and then I found her on the internet. Some folk say it's the devils playground, but mah thirteen year old stepdaughter uses it. I've only met her once on account her momma, my wife, won't come near me 'cause she's bad luck. I need somethin' romantic.Me: Ummm...Guy: Got any doo-rags?Me: (wtf?wtf?wtf?) Over here sir.Guy: Now I don't say this around the men, but if it weren't for the (finger quotations) homosexual community, we'd be on the outs right now. God bless bikers. OOOOOH!!! Gimme that one that says "Anthrax"!
He goes to pay.
Guy: She's a taurus. Can I tip you?Me: I can't accept tips.Guy: Well let me shake your hand.(Hand shaking begins)I'm Denny, and I'll be ten years old forever. And I won't tell you my life story but, the next time I get on a horse, he's gonna OBEY.(Hand shaking ends)Well, I'm gonna go home and rub one out now. You take care!
He then pulled out his penis and waved (wagged?) it at me before running out the door.
Anyone else encountered such things?
Tried taking engineer, but dropped out. Since worked as a computer programmer, but lost the job. Both due to mental illness (LOL) Funny as that is tho, being schizophrenic, it is merely SIMPLE schizophrenia so I don't get to be delusional and think I have a transmitter in my head and all that jazz. But being a computer programmer I've devoured more technical papers than normal, so I kinda feel secure when doing research. Heck, that's probably the only thing programming is about, reading specifications till the cows come home and then having a perfect mental abstraction of the workings.
On the other hand, I am interested in this since I find it entertaining. It is not everyday you get to see the pathological science people crash with the pathological skeptics. I've also learnt a lot of stuff I wouldn't otherwise learn. The reason I find this case especially interesting is that their truthworthiness is much higher than most comparable cases. Usually scammers have no company history beyond creating OU devices.
The singer dove off the stage and crowd surfed in a sort of reverse funeral procession where the person being carried is the only one truly alive. Touching him I felt religious ecstasy and started speaking in tongues and requesting songs that didn't exist.
There's no easy way to put this, so I'll tell it like it is. Bouillon is died. He went missing before the weekend and yesterday I found his skeletonized remains at the bottom of the #3 soup vat during one of my swims. I thought the cream of mushroom soup had an especially nourishing taste, and a lot more clumps of fur and skin than usual.
Were you enjoying your day? STOP! There is outrageous crap going on you need to know about!
Experience several minutes of top-tier modern game design for FREE.
The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.