One of the more prominent cultural influences currently sweeping through America is the Japanese entertainment dubbed as "Anime." Although some ignorant Americans may simply refer to this phenomenon as a children's cartoons, Anime is much more than that. For example, many of the cartoons feature women with penises and robots that explode frequently. The Something Awful Guide to Anime will help you, a member of the ignorant American public, learn to appreciate the fine art of Anime so you may one day create your own "children's cartoon" yourself!

ANIME CHARACTER DESIGN

FEMALES:

The first thing one will notice upon watching an Anime film or cartoon is the distinct artistic "style" of the female characters. Unlike traditional American cartoons which tend to stress realism (at least until Anime became trendy and all the American hack artists decided to start emulating the Japanese), Anime characters are based more on the artists' perception of the "ideal" human being. This goes to show that the opium business must be as alive and active as it ever was in Japan, because the female characters in Anime are truly disturbing and would likely cause recurring nightmares if you were to meet one in public. Let's take a look at how a human being would look after its been turned into Anime by State Og's very own Animizer machine.

The Subject: Supermodel Tyra Banks.

As you'll notice, Tyra Banks looks remotely human in this picture. This is generally considered a big "no no" in terms of Anime design, as all female characters (by law) must look like a mutant humanoid cat with spliced bug DNA and breast implants installed by a balloon salesman. Allow me to demonstrate by running Mrs. Banks through the Animizer, a program which converts any "normal" human into their Anime equivalent:

STEP ONE: The Waistline.

Female waistlines should be between 1/2 and 3/4ths the size of the subject's shoulder width. The really "hot" Anime girls that many people still living in their parent's basement will masturbate to have a waistline that can only be measured by an electron microscope. Generally speaking, a good Anime woman should look like her entire upper torso will snap and fall off if she tries to turn around or a particularly strong wind blows by.

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