Kids like dogs because they're friendly, playful, and energetic; just like children. Many kids find it fun and ticklish to allow their dog to lick them on the face with the same tongue that the pet uses to sample the various obscene liquids floating around in your toilet bowl. Think about it this way: if you own a dog, every time you take a crap, you're taking a crap on your children's faces. Keep this in mind next time you think about purchasing a dog. Or a kid.
Next time you go to use the restroom and you have a dog and child in the house, think of this picture. On second thought, don't.
Dogs, unlike cats and most snakes, can learn simple tricks that can amaze simple people. Some of the more popular tricks include:
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
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