OFFICIAL CLIFF YABLONSKI CHRISTMAS STORY
Dictated by Lowtax
"It was two days before Christmas, what, maybe
ten years ago or some shit like that. All I remembers
was that it was ungodly hot. Really steaming up
the place, making you sweat and piss like nobody's
business. I was chugging down beers like two, three
at a time. Sweating like a fucking hog too.
anyways, there I am on my porch, sitting on my lawnchair.
I'm just minding my own damn business, waiting for
the broad across the street to come out and do some
gardening so I can stare at that candy-apple ass
she's got. Her husband's some kind of prick though,
he's like a lawyer or some shit like that. The little
dickhead comes by the gas station one time and paid
for 10 bucks of gas with a freaking 100 dollar bill.
Like he's all important or something. I hate pricks
like him. Back during the Korean War, when I was
platooned at the 43rd Naval Fueling Station, I would've
shoved my combat boot so far up the jerk's ass he
would be tasting the dog shit I stepped on for weeks.
was I? Oh yeah, it was real fucking hot. So there
I am, just sitting around and BAM, some Ford comes
crashing into my mailbox. I'm like "What the
FUCK?" and I get up and grab my bat to cave
in the punk's face. But the door opens, and it's
the hot broad from across the street! I reached
over to 'help' her out of the car (and maybe grab
a piece of ass) and she gives me this look like
"Cliff, you fucking stud, I want to jump your
74-year old bones right here, right now" so
I unzip my fly and let my shrived penis jump out.
Next thing I know, she's screaming and her weasly
little lawyer husband is running out of the house.
He comes at me, I kinda step out of the way, and
he trips over his own clumsy ass feet and falls
on his face! I start laughing so hard I shit myself,
the broad runs off into her house, and the Chinaman
down the street calls the cops on me. Funniest fucking
"What does this have to do with Christmas,
"Shut the fuck up."
END, MERRY CHRISTMAS!
BACK TO CLIFF'S SHRINE!