Email Cliff
CLIFF YABLONSKI HATES THESE PEOPLE:
01 02 03 04 05
06 07 08 09 10
11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30
31 32 33 34 35
36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45
46 47 48 49 50
51 52 53 54 55
56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65
66 67 68 69 70
71 72 73 74 75
76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85
86 87 88 89 90
91 92 93 94 95
96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105
106 107 108 109 110
111 112 113 114 115
116 117 118 119 120
121 122 123 124 125
126 127 128 129 130
131 132 133 134 135
136 137 138 139 140
141 142 143 144 145
146 147 148 149 150
151 152 153 154 155
156 157 158 159 160
161 162 163 164 165
166 167 168 169 170
171 172 173 174 175
176 177 178 179 180
181 182 183 184 185
186 187 188 189 190
191 192 193 194 195
196 197 198 199 200
201 202 203 204 205
206 207 208 209 210
211 212 213 214 215
216 217 218 219 220
221 222 223 224 225
226 227 228 229 230
231 232 233 234 235
236 237 238 239 240
241 242 243 244 245
246 247 248 249 250
251 252 253 254 255
256 257 258 259 260
261 262 263 264 265
266 267 268
CONTENT:


Wow, I Met Cliff!
Cliff Hates You All
Cliff is Furious
Cliff Does NOT Have a Drinking Problem
A Cliff Christmas Story
More About Cliff
Game: "Yablonski Tournament"
Game: "Schmuck Hunt"

CONTACT:


Submit a Picture of an Appleton City Native


Hosted by Something Awful

 

PAGE 245

< < PREVIOUS PAGE < <

This is why the goddamn Appleton City police force can't even solve a simple crime like "I fucking saw the Patterson kids in my goddamn bushes and I want you to head over to their house and arrest them and throw those two little idiot horseshitters into jail for a few years to teach them a goddamn lesson about respecting their elders". Next time you see a FBI agent chucking tear gas through your window and using a battering ram to bust into your little funtime meth lab, ask them why the hell they can spend all their goddamn money on shit like arresting Mexicans when they don't even bother positioning a sniper on top of my house to pick off high school kids like I've been fucking asking them to do for like the past nine years or something.

Enormoturd Ed Remmington Criscos up his weather balloon-sized hamskull to prepare for his face-first entry into the food hole. Bake this brown sack of shit for a few days and you'll have enough meat to feed a family of 50,000, as well as enough room to house them all in the central ribcage area.

No, you're not the Pope, you're some divot-faced scar queen who spent a few too many hours catching BB-gun bullets in with your head behind the Dairy Queen. Jesus Christ, I swear those neon red craters are big enough to swallow up entire golf balls. I don't think this creature even has eyes - they're giant blackheads of some kind. I gotta remind myself to squeeze them next time and see what oozes out.

One of the more well paid prostitutes that hangs out on 145th and Baker Street. If you give her $50, she'll let you put a bag on her head and then use it to punch through drywall. She only offered this deal to me after I had been drinking whisky for seven straight hours. Oh yeah, and then she WILLINGLY gave me my $50 back, despite what she may try to claim out of that toothless hole in her head.

Fruit Witch, Hog Witch, and Sand Witch prepare to cast a spell, one which will hopefully make them return to their native land of Fuckopolis.

DJ Plywood and MC 88 do a majority of the wedding receptions here in Appleton City. He says shit like "are you ready to get this party started?" and "who's ready to party?" and "oh my God, please stop, I beg of you, please stop." It's got to be a tough job for him since it's impossible to distinguish between the bride and groom in this diseased monument to failure town. If you don't believe me, take a goddamn look at DJ Plywood's face and MC 88's. You could fucking swap them back and forth and their own parents wouldn't even know, although that might be because they gouged their own eyes out during the spawning of these paste freaks.

< < PREVIOUS PAGE < <