Yar! Hank the Goth Pirate, fearing a mutiny on the poopdeck, tosses a net over his chest and blinds the other sailors with his pasty white Satanic nipples. Tis like starin' into the belly of the great white, only much more scarier!

Jethro Tulane. He's the best at impersonating a mannequin impersonating a man impersonating a female who looks like her hair is the result of a nuclear attack. I don't dare punch this freak because I'm afraid of what my fist would come back covered with.

Boy, this guy sure is funny! It's even funnier to know how many Erector Set pieces I shoved into this mutant's ass!

"NO REALLY, WATCH GUYS! YOU PUT DA MOUSE IN DA SANDWICH AND SQUEEZE IT AND DEN IT MAKES DA SPECIAL SAUCE COME OUT!"

Randy Michaels shows off the Christmas card photo that resulted in him losing all his friends. Luckily, his entire collection of "friends" consisted of that fat guy who fixes his septic tank, so it wasn't any huge loss.

Yes, everybody in East Appleton is obsessed with their genitalia. I think it's becoming fairly obvious why I'd like to see them all crushed under an overturned tanker trailer.