AT A GLANCE: Arcade is nothing like any real arcade game is, other than having every level look like the last. Yes, folks - this is a 30-level piece of flying shit. Hell, they aren't even levels - just one map with different fucking enemies in them. Wonderful.

DESCRIPTION:

Yeah, this is what every map looks like.

From text file:

"30 levels of pure carnage. No mazes. Play it!"

Damn right, no mazes - no variety either. Just sparkling new graphics and boring fighting. Kim, why did you tell me to play this? Why? Hell, I shouldn't blame her - I was the one who fucking chose to play this terrible, muddy mass of nodes. Then again, it's my damn job to subject myself to this crap, just so you guys don't have to. But course, you probably wouldn't listen to me anyway and download this, right? Fuck off.

"IDEA: Inspired by PHTGA.WAD ( Wim Vanrie )."

Folks, I haven't played this wad, but I can only assume that this Wim Vanrie guy makes shitty maps too. Heck, with a name like that, he probably got beaten up by every damn person in his school back in the day. Well, at least it's not as bad as "FIFFY".

But I digress - this is Kim's megawad, so I'll make sure to bash this map extra hard.

THE MAP:

Woo.. Arachnotrons. Great.

The map... well, that's pretty much it. It's just a map. A map with two barriers on the left side, a big open area in the middle, some barriers somewhere else, and a big-ass pillar for an exit. And it's brown. Oh, so brown. more brown than you can imagine. And hey, since Kim imported a bunch of Quake III Arena textures into this, the map is even browner than ever. It's as if this map was born from the sludgy bottom of a septic tank. And because Kim is a lazy fuck, she decided to duplicate this model of the inside of a human intestine 30 TIMES.

But Kim isn't too lazy - she still put enough effort into the map to make sure that there were different monsters placed in each map, and she did so in such a way that each level gets harder and harder, like an arcade game. Yup, this wad is just oozing with creativity, folks. But every level isn't complete without powerups and ammo, right? Damn straight. Kim had put tons of fucking weapons and ammo in each map in such a way that it puts REoL's overactive thing placement to shame.

I thought the last level of this map would be crammed with cyberdemons, but I guess I was wrong - IT'S CRAMMED WITH ARCH-VILES. Whoopdee-doo. Something even more impossible.

GAMEPLAY:

GAME OVER, MAN!

Of course, like the text file says, it's "30 levels of pure carnage." It's nothing but shooting everybody in sight, and then touching the exit pillar. It's just like the arcades - you sacrifice your money (but in this case, your SOUL) to play a tedious shoot-'em-up until you lose all your lives, just to enter your name in the top score list (but instead, you are playing THE WORST FUCKING GAME IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE for NO apparent reason, just so whatever's left of your life can be sucked away and for all of your friends to laugh at you).