AT A GLANCE: The well-known deathmatch level that started the whole “psychotic one-room killfest” phenomenon. Ooblik’s stunning masterpiece has withstood the test of time quite well, in that it’s still just as pointless and utterly retarded now as when I first played it two years ago.

DESCRIPTION: Much like nu-metal and Robin Williams, this map is an enigma of mass popularity, and a very troubling one at that. Why anyone would willingly add Killbox to their server rotation is beyond me. Perhaps I’ll know the answer when this awful map is finished ripping the last shreds of sanity from my irradiated skull. Stay tuned.

THE MAP: Ooblik’s level subscribes to the philosophy that the amount of fun in any deathmatch is directly proportional to the size of the room it takes place in. Sounds good to me. Sadly, computer slowdowns and/or a crippling mental disorder forced him to cut his breathtaking tribute to 19th century Victorian architecture down to about 15 polygons. Hence “Killbox”. Whee!

The entire map. I rest my fucking case.

Floating at the top of the killbox is a giant pain vortex of what appear to be severely deformed Rubik’s cubes. Or maybe they’re supposed to be platforms or something. It’s kind of hard to tell since Ooblik has the geometry comprehension of a 4-year-old and can’t even add prefab barrels without creating some sort of unholy hellspawn in the process.

GAMEPLAY: Hooray, we’re in an enormous packing crate roughly the size of North Carolina! Wow, there are random weapons strewn everywhere! Yay, the elevators move at approximately 0.1 miles per hour! This is an incredible world of excitement matched only by that of watching my TRS-80 draw sine waves!