AT A GLANCE: Prefab example maps; sure, they’re good for displaying prefabs and everything, but haven’t you ever wished someone would go that extra mile and do a really half-assed job of balancing one for deathmatch while throwing random signs and speaker entities everywhere? Yeah, me neither, but this incredibly retarded idea is tragically now a reality thanks to an anonymous mapper and his attention deficit disorder.

DESCRIPTION: No text file or author name. Anyone with 10 minutes / brain cells could’ve made this thing, so the author could just be some heavily inebriated orangutan or even George Fiffy for all I know.

THE MAP: The horror begins with players spawning in a dimly lit room containing a machinegun and 5 “no smoking” signs. There’s also a looping alarm sound playing in the background as if to say “Danger: this map sucks critical amounts of cock”. I probably should’ve heeded this dire warning and quit Half-Life immediately but instead I chose to venture into the horrible nightmare world that is “the room below the first room”. If my screenshot looks a little dark that’s probably because this room requires monitor gamma levels suitable for performing x-rays. A closer inspection reveals that it is actually inhabited by a race of subterranean mole-people who have somehow mutated into prefab crates.

The core of what, bad taste?

The real tragedy here is that there are several good prefabs associated with this disgrace. The prefab makers should sue the creator for defamation. Or better yet, they should unionize and have their mob contacts take out this jackass, along with the rest of the idiot mappers who have misrepresented their work over the years. Yup, that would definitely make the world a better place as far as I’m concerned.

GAMEPLAY: Ugh, ask me again later. My brain is still busy reeling in pain from the godawful sound effects in this map. If any of your friends or coworkers can play Horror for 20 minutes and somehow suppress the urge to hack away at their ears with a rusty garden trowel then they’re obviously either insane or the map author in disguise, and either way you should probably stab them in the face and run.