AT A GLANCE: "Mosh" is probably the only one out of all the maps that I have reviewed so far for Cranky Steve that deserves the "What The Fuck?" award. The author of this sparkling masterpiece, "tetsuo", seems to have the attention span of a chimpanzee on cocaine when it comes to making maps. He also probably has the brains of mashed potatoes if he thinks he can get away with releasing such monstrosities onto the Internet.

DESCRIPTION: From the glorious text file -

"Small DM map, good 1on1 and a very bloody and confusing ffa for 26"

Well, tetsuo's right about one thing - the map certainly is "small", but I'd have to take his word for it for "1on1" play, because I don't think I could ever persuade someone to play on this piece of crap even if I offered them 50 bucks and oral sex. I don't know how you could even get TWENTY-SIX people crammed into this map, but if you can, I certainly wouldn't describe it as "confusing". More like, "nerve-shattering" or "rage-building" or "suicide-inducing". Certainly not "confusing".

That's a lotta goodies.

play information

skills 0,1,2,3: no
tourney: ? its my first map
deathmatch: ?
CTF: no
Bot File (aas): no :(
other: no
new sounds: no
new graphics: no
new music: no

Wow, this map certainly is chock full of content, isn't it? I also find it funny that tetsuo and I agree on one thing - he doesn't know what this map's supposed to be, either. Hell, I just classified this map as a DeathMatch one because it was deemed one in the "description" of the map, but even tetsuo himself isn't sure of that. Hooray for you, tetsuo.

THE MAP: The map is set in a "space" environment, and consists of a plain, central area with scattered blocks all around it, with a pseudo-phallic structure with neon-blue vains in the middle of it. The map is totally devoid of pickups, save for the Plasma Gun and Railgun near the center, and EVERY FUCKING WEAPON AND POWERUP on the side of the map, which is described by tetsuo as "some real goodies" that "a few hidden platforms" lead to. Unfortunately, even if you figured out a way to get to the "real goodies", you wouldn't be able to get back to the main area. Wonderful.

In an attempt to use more than THREE textures in his map, tetsuo decided to make this floating block "special".

I feel that I should also bring up another fascinating thing about this map - you know how if you fall off of the level in a space map you would instantly die? Yeah. Apparently this isn't the case in "Mosh". In this map, "falling to your doom", becomes "falling onto a hard surface that doesn't provide any way to kill yourself, except if you type '\kill' at the console or try to melt your face off with the Plasma Gun." Yay. Chalk up another point for tetsuo. Unfortunately for him, that point is on the "Reasons Why tetsuo Should Kill Himself" scoreboard.

GAMEPLAY: The gameplay on this map is duller than the wit of Carrot Top. With both available weapons located next to each other, the lack of health and/or powerups, and a map flow as smooth as blood in a fat man's arteries, this map could be considered "The Anti-Gameplay".