AT A GLANCE: "Don't Fall Down" by littlejay brings up many questions to the thoughtful mind, and all of them have to do with questioning the existence of a terrible author like littlejay and why he must bring shame to the complex and beautiful Unreal Warfare engine. "Don't Fall Down," as you may have figured out by now, is an incredibly bad map for UT2K3, and its design screams "rush job", "laziness", and, "SOMEBODY KILL LITTLEJAY AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE! HIS CREATIONS WILL BE THE END OF US ALL!!"

DESCRIPTION: There was no text file that held a description for this map, nor was there one for it in the game nor on the website that I got it from. But had there been a description for this map, it probably would've been:

"helo WelcUM t0 my fIrsT Ut2|<3 MAP EVAR! itz g0t aCt10n and W3p0nz anD STUFFF! Wa+ch 0ut f0r teh b1g H0L3Z in My M4P th3y wIll l3@d 2 ur D00M!!!1!!1 D0n+ F@ll D0wn!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHHHHHAHAHHAH!!!!11!!@@!!!!11!1!. s3Nd M3 ur id3az f0r neW MaPz ill be M@k1ng maney m0re s0 EMALE M3 @ BLAHBLAHBLAH@AOL.COM."

No, that's not motion blur - the floor is just partially see-through. I'm just sorry that I don't have epilepsy, so I can never really fully enjoy this little "feature."

THE MAP: The map is comprised of a box with a very deep, octagonal hole in the center of it (which I assume would be the place where you shouldn't fall down, for you see, you fall a LONG FUCKING WAY to the bottom) which is duplicated and put right beside the first Box-and-Hole structure, so that it could theoretically accommodate more people that would want to play the map (which would include, but are not limited to: rapists, masochists, and the criminally insane). Littlejay also included a big, fat vehicle in one of the Box-and-hole setups, so it is also possible to drive a vehicle into the damn hole if you so desire. I would also like to point out that although it is very easy to avoid the holes of death (or the "Holes of Infinite Falling," as I have called them), you will eventually find yourself plummetting down them, since littlejay had thrown Deathmatch starting points in the hole. The meaning of "Don't Fall Down" has changed from words of caution to words of pure sarcasm, thanks to an inebriated blob of stupidity known to the rest of the Internet as "littlejay."

There is also hardly a decent selection of weaponry, since there is only one weapon in this map, and that is the Instagib Shock Rifle. I guess littlejay stuck this weapon in his map to avoid having to place such vital items as health and ammo in there, because I guess to him doing such things would mar the effectiveness of his hard-to-obtain title of "Incredibly Horrible Unreal Tournament 2003 Map Designer Who Also Shouldn't Be Allowed To See The Light Of Day, Let Alone a Computer Screen, For The Rest of His Life."

The texturing of this map is also quite awful, to say the most absolute least. The "Texture of Notable Mention" in this map would of course be the backwards picture of some demented stick figure with the words "Don't fall down!" and an arrow pointing in said direction just in case you, the player, forget which way is "down." Littlejay probably threw the texture in there in order to either look like he knows how to use the Unreal Tools for creating new textures and restore some dignity to his name, or make him look like a total fuckstick and make the map's overall crappiness even worse (and I can guarantee that it's not the earlier).The floor is also translucent, so there are Hall-of-Mirrors effects everywhere while you run around. Yay.

Oh, look where I just spawned. Can't you just feel littlejay's creativity?

GAMEPLAY: Gameplay is abysmal. Of course, if the gameplay was phenominal, you wouldn't see it here on Cranky Steve. Littlejay should lay off the tranquilizers for a while, as they are suffocating his already terrible map-creation skills.