AT A GLANCE: With an author name as terrible as [LMT]MagiXx, you can expect to have a pretty terrible map. This map is by far one of the worst maps I have ever played, and one of the worst maps I have ever seen. I swear to God, creating a map like this and then releasing it to the public should be a new Internet crime. This map combines the detail-less structure of "Don't Fall Down" with the over-abundance of items from "Hell On Earth".

DESCRIPTION: There's no text file. I'm beginning to sense a pattern here with these awful, awful UT2003 maps... and that's without using my "spider sense," which is what I use when I'm out fighting crimes and kicking the shit out of evildoers! Oh, wait - wait a minute... I'm thinking of Spider-Man.

THE MAP: The map does not look like a funnel to me, but rather like half a barbell, and a pretty poorly made one at that. Actually, I could also say that this map looks like a bad rendition of Rosie 'O Donnell eating half of a goat, but it wouldn't be as accurate as the aforementioned description. There seems to be only one texture in this map, and it's a bland, rock texture. At least the walls aren't some kind of atrocious tye-dye-esque, swirly puke crap, so thank God for small favors.

Items? This map has every kind of friggin' item you can think of that's in Unreal Tournament, save for CTF Flags ('cause that would make it a pretty bad CTF map; not that the quality level of this map would be jeopardized by this little "flaw" anyway). However, I somewhat feel that I should mention that this map also contains the... wait for it... INSTAGIB SHOCK RIFLE. Whoopdy-doo. It's not like you didn't see that one coming, right? I mean, the last two reviewed UT2003 maps had this wonderous item, so it should be absolutely no surprise that this one should have it too, like there was a whole congregation of insane UT2003 authors that got together and agreed upon the inclusion of this weapon in all of their maps.

Even more items. Variety isn't one of this map's strong points. In fact, nothing in this map is a "strong point."

MAP AUTHOR 1: Hey, we should put something in all of our maps that would tell the UT2003 Community that we are a map-making force to be reckoned with!
MAP AUTHOR 2: I know! We'll use the Instagib Shock Rifle! It's a weapon that portrays the laziness of our ability to find suitable weapons for our maps and because killing people in one shot is FUN!
MAP AUTHOR 3: I LIKE TO SNIFF GLUE UNTIL I PASS OUT IN A POOL OF MY OWN URINE.
MAP AUTHOR 1: Excellent idea, #2! We will start work on that immediately to ensure that our maps will lead to the end of humanity through vile frustration!
MAP AUTHORS 1&2: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
MAP AUTHOR 3: I CAN SMELL COLORS.

GAMEPLAY: Gut-wrenchingly horrible. With people getting killed left and right and nowhere to hide, the gameplay is just like every other map reviewed here on Cranky Steve. I wish I had a dime for each time I was killed within 3 seconds of spawning in the map. You know, 'cause then I'd be rich and stuff.