AT A GLANCE: Half Life 2 mapper CrAzYpotpie loves his school. In fact he loves it so much he
has decided to create a Half Life 2 map based on it. I wonder if he gets beat up in his map
as much as he does at his real school.
DESCRIPTION: Oh Jesus, not one of these:
File Info - This is a BETA version of a WIP of my map "School".
I have been working on this map for about 1 week now and have decided to release a lil'
Beta on it. Pretty short but still fun XD
This is just how I wanted to spend my evening, walking around in a poorly adapted Half Life
2 version of your junior high school. How many years have you been trying to pass seventh
grade? Three years now? One day you'll graduate CrAzYpotpie. One day. Just keep reaching for
that rainbow. And for the record, BETA means a near-final build of a piece of software with
all of the content intact with a minimal amount of bugs, not SHITTY MAP YOU MADE AFTER
SCHOOL ONE DAY WHILE WATCHING MTV'S PIMP YO RIDE.
When asked about the inspiration for the name of his map, CrAzYpotpie had this to say:
la mesa is the name of my school, sorta sounds like black mesa doesnt it?
:P
Whatever you say CrAzYpotpie! You're the expert here!
THE MAP: The map begins in a small enclosure near the back of the school where it is
presumed that CrAzYpotpie fellates fellow male students for 5 dollars a blow every day after
math class. Much to my dismay I noticed that the school had been taken over by generic
1984-esque government oppression troops! Oh no! Blocked by a barrier of some kind, I noticed
the blue door to my left. I tried to open the door expecting it to swing towards me like any other
God-fearing door. Not so at La Mesa! The door actually slides into the solid brick wall.
Amazed by the school's expert design and the fact that I can still see the flickering door
once I'm on the other side of the wall, I press on. I find myself in a bathroom where
CrAzYpotpie presumably negotiates the price of his blowjobs and solicits customers. In order
to get to the courtyard where the generic 1984-esque government oppression troops have set
up base camp, I need to crawl through a fucking air duct. God forbid anyone stick a window
or a door here. Because this is a first-person-shooter it needs to be an air duct. Goddamn
this map.
 |
Gotta
love those wacky La Mesa sliding doors. |
Once in the courtyard I was able to fight and kill the evil generic 1984-esque super government
oppression troops that were holding the lunch tables hostage. After I vanquished my enemies
I looked for CrAzYpotpie so I could beat him up. Unfortunately he did not put himself in
this version of the map. Not realistic at all. I eventually found a classroom where I was
treated to a cameo appearrence by none other than Half Life 2's Dr. Breen! He was trying to
fix a computer monitor until he got fed up and sat on the floor to think about what a
failure he is. I decided to put him out of his misery and soon after myself. La Mesa takes roughly two minutes to beat and -7 seconds to get bored of.
GAMEPLAY: La Mesa combines the fun and excitement of the hit first-person-shooter Half Life
2 with the braindead imagination of a 14-year-old idiot. There is some hope though. From
CrAzY's official website:
I am sad, I got Hammer and it will keep freezing when I try to make a new
map...and whenever I add texture WAD files it freezes! NOOOOOOOOO ....should be fixed soon!
TY everyone!
I pray to the lord Jesus Christ and possibly Batman that his map editor keeps on freezing
for eternity.
FUN FACTOR: What do you get when you mix a map that makes no sense, flickering doors that
slide through walls, and air ducts? Why, the most fun I've had since taking a shit and
having piss water splash up onto my ass when the turd hit the water. What more could you ask
for in life? Oh, probably a bullet colliding with my skull at 10,000 MPH.
THE BOTTOM LINE: CrAzY is the mapper to look out for in 2005. With just a little more
practice and experience CrAzY can advance from making shit to making crap in no time. If you would
like to learn more about CrAzY check out his laughable Tripod website that will
run out of bandwidth roughly six seconds after I post the link.
The end. Thank Christ.
| Category: |
Rating: |
| Aesthetics: |
-5 |
| Gameplay: |
-8 |
| Item placement: |
-5 |
| Layout: |
-9 |
| Detail: |
-4 |
| TOTAL: |
-31 |
Individual
ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible).
Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece of shit you'll ever play).
