AT A GLANCE: Fullbright? Check. Roughly four textures used throughout the entire map? Check. Broken
English in the readme file? Check. Floating platforms? Check. Yup, sounds like another
textbook case of a 14 year old stumbling his way into the Half Life 2 map editor.
DESCRIPTION: From the map's readme file:
Sky Walk City is a Huge City with Floating side walks everyWhere.and with
cars to drive with.
it is going to have a lot more weapons in the upcoming version!
This sounds like fun.and im going to play it.
Jesus, is every Half Life 2 mapper a foriegner who speaks in broken English or something?
This game was made in America for Americans. I don't know where you came from but go back to
where ever that is and make maps for your communist games like, I don't know, Ecco the
Dolphin. But that's not all!
But There is a secret room.......Try to Find it:
With Weapons,Health, and a armor charger.
Thanks, but no thanks. I really have to take a shit right now to be quite honest. And the
last time I held a shit for a game was for Super Mario World. I was in the last castle and I
nearly crapped my pants. After beating Bowser I finally went to the bathroom. As I was
sitting down the turd was actually on it's way out. I sat down in time for it to hit the
water and splash all of that lovely toilet water on my ass. It was a photo finish.
THE MAP: In Futurama, you know when Fry, Leela, and Bender go down to the sewers under New
New York and find Old New York? This map looks kind of like that, except, you know, without
any atmosphere, creativity, or imagination. Skywalk City is basically a bunch of rectangles
with the "Generic Building #2" texture looped over and over again. To top it off the whole
thing is stuck in a hollowed out cube. There are some vehicles that the map's creator has so
generously provided for us that we can, as he puts it, "drive with". I was about to wear them
on my head as a hat but now that you mention it, I think I'll drive them. There is also a
giant screen that displays what is going on in one corner of the map that I have dubbed "THE
EXCITEMENT ZONE!!!" where you can often see nothing doing what it does best. The screen gives
the map this sort of Times Square feeling that a lot of maps are sorely missing these days.
To top it all off the sidewalk has sort of liberated itself from the ground is now floating
in the air because 14 year old map makers love floating platforms.
At least it's more fun than Silent Hill 4.
GAMEPLAY: I love maps with absolutely no sense of scale and when you play them it feels like
you're having one of those dreams where you're trying to run but your legs are made of rubber
and you're not getting anywhere. I hope you do too, because Skywalk City delivers in spades.
Make it big and make it pointless is my motto. Forget intricate tunnels and detailed
passageways with strategically placed shadows to hide and sneak up on the enemy. I WANT BIG
EMPTY SPACES TO SHOOT GUNS IN. You know why the multiplayer mode in Splinter Cell: Pandora
Tomorrow never caught on? Because it didn't take place in a giant cube. I'm sorry but
everything is better in a giant cube. In Splinter Cell maps the player must make
excruciatingly hard decisions like whether to turn left or right, or climb a ladder. Not so
in Skywalk City! There's no need to think here. And we all know how much Half Life 2 fans
hate to think. Just keep on walking straight. Occasionally you may need to turn around and go
the opposite way, which may be too advanced for some Half Life 2 players.
The average deathmatch session on Skywalk City goes something like this. Players join, they
all say "this shit sucks you faggot", and leave. You eventually quit and go masturbate on a
piece of toast and eat it. I can't wait until the next version with a lot more weapons!
FUN FACTOR: Is this map any fun? You better believe it. It's a tour de force. A miracle in
map making. I loved this map so much that I played it clear into the morning hours. I'm
declaring this one of the year's best maps. Two keyboards, way up! It's a five-star
masterpiece. And if I'm lying, may we all be horribly crushed from above somehow.
THE BOTTOM LINE: The bottom line is that this map is terrible. It's worse than terrible, it's
atrocious. This map is so bad that the guy who made it didn't even put his name on it. In
fact it's so bad that I wrote in to Frontline and asked them to do an investigative report on
it. We're finally going to find out just who made this compost heap of a map and get to the
bottom of America's labor crisis.
ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible).
Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece of shit you'll ever play).