AT A GLANCE: You Counterstrike players out there are probably familiar with the noble and brave missions routinely undertaken by counter-terrorist squads. Whether theyíre preventing terrorists from blowing up random boxes in the middle of empty fields or rescuing hostages who are too retarded to fit through a doorway the size of a semi, counter-terrorists are always putting their lives on the line for truth, justice and the American way. Which means itís kind of sad that a mapmaker thought the best use for elite counter-terrorist teams was plodding through a horribly shitty attempt at a forest in order to rescue one person. And if that wasnít bad enough, the person youíre trying to rescue is too stupid to get out of a big cooking pot once a cannibal puts her in it and lights a fire under it.
Then again, itís also sad that apparently terrorists thought the best way to destroy the evil Zionist powers was to capture a girl, throw her in a pot and wait for counter-terrorists to come bumbling along. Donít these guys have anything better to do?
DESCRIPTION: Swamp danger - Hostage Rescue
by tommy of escondido
Textures by 3DMike, Cid, & tommy
Models by Gabor, TwiZted & Chuck Jones
Terrorists have captured Emelia from a safari
and have turned her over to the cannibal chief
so that his tribe will protect them in the swamp.
Counter-Terrorists: Rescue Emelia or kill all the
Terrorists: Kill all the Counter-Terrorists.
Other Notes: the swamp is full of life, some
Thatís right. Instead of fighting for democracy youíll be plodding through one HELL of an ugly forest to rescue someone who just happened to get lost and find some evil jungle terrorists on her safari. Also of note is the fact that the custom models and textures on this map, which are terrible enough to make me want to bulldoze every rainforest on earth, took six people to make.
THE MAP: Well, I will give them this, the terrorists picked a good location to bring their hostage to. A hostage rescue in this setting would be impossible, because all the CTs will be way too busy looking around and laughing at the surroundings to pay any attention to the terrorists. For some reason the author didnít think that making a forest with the Half-Life engine would be that bad of an idea, so he made the equivalent of an indoor level, but with Ďtreeí textures on the walls. And then there are some extra tree-textured objects at the top of the walls. And some models of trees scattered around the level. And a tree skybox. And a tree-textured floor. And a fallen tree. And tree-textured overhangs. And tree-textured roofs at a few points. So basically, ďtommy of escondidoĒ made this map by sticking a bunch of blocks together and dragging tree textures over everything. This is a shocking deviation from normal Counterstrike mapping, in which you stick a bunch of blocks together and then drag wood or stone textures over everything. Now that ďtommy of escondidoĒ has rebelled against Counterstrike mapping tradition, he can expect a gang of angry anorexic 14-year-olds to show up at his door and beat him into submission with plastic AK-47s.
GAMEPLAY: The layout of the map is annoying and hampers the gameplay, so basically itís de_dust in the future after trees came alive and took over the world in
the Great Tree Revolution of 2043. Itís going to be bad enough searching for the hostage in little hallways, but trying to do it with tree pictures glaring at you from all directions will make you punch your monitor in frustration and hope you injure your hand badly enough that youíll have to go to the hospital and not play the map anymore.
I haven't seen monsters this realistic since the last time I turned on the Sci-Fi channel.
Oh, and you know how the text file warns you about dangerous life in the forest? Do not take that warning lightly. There are lots and lots of terrifying things in the forest, with a multitude of deadly attacks. For example, there is a flat section of ground with a picture of two crocodiles on it, and it hurts you repeatedly when you stand on it. And thereís another flat section of ground with an animated sprite of ants on it, and it hurts you repeatedly when you stand on it. I also saw a bird on top of an overhang, and I formed a theory about its method of attack, but I was unable to test my theory because the bird was too high up to stand on. Oh, and also, when you walk into a spiderweb it explodes and throws a few small bloody chunks up in the air. No, I don't have any idea why.
FUN FACTOR: If you try to play a good game on this map, then you wonít have much fun. Thereís a cannibal guy next to the hostage who shakes spastically like he needs some glue to sniff, and you can shoot him and make him explode, but I only enjoyed doing that the first 20 or 30 times, and most of you probably arenít as easily amused as I am. However, you can have fun simply taking in the sights:
For obvious reasons, itís probably better that you take in the sights here than actually download and play the map.
THE BOTTOM LINE: I thought I wasnít going to be able to find a Counterstrike map as ugly as the TFC maps Iíve reviewed, but Swampdanger proved me wrong. And by the way, if after reading this review youíre still willing to download the map, you should know that the author zipped it wrong, so youíll have to extract the models, textures, sounds, sprites and map into their respective folders manually. Sucker.
ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible).
Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece of shit you'll ever play).