JEFF Ks AUTHORINTATITIVE REVIEW OF TOMORRWOIND!!!!!!! BY JEFFK!!!!!!!!!!!111111


THIS IS JEFFK!!!!1 HAHAHA FOOLAD YOU, THIS IS JEFFK IN TOMORRROWINDS!
I have been bringign you all of the hottast reviews of the new games for weeks and teh months to come, and now its time to talk about the upcoming MMORPGH "Tomorrowinds" from Betehsda Softwroks! I intarviewed Patrcik Haines and Tedd Howard from their a whale ago and they have finally gotten to the good idea of sending me the game to review. Which is what I did just today!

TECHNICEL SPCEFICATIANS - Tommorrowwind is a game of powerful enterprases that requires a HI END computar from DELL. My mom wanted to get a COMPACT computer and I told her that there computars are crud on a cracker! They are too small to get anyathing done with except maybe some knitting software for GRANTMA! My system was the new Dell INTEL PEMPTIUM V GIGABIT WITH BLAST PROCESSAING.

  • 500 MEGABITES OF RAM
  • BLAST PROCESSER
  • VGA MONITOR
  • NVIDIA GEE FORCE
  • AD LIB LIVE ENVIRONMENT ADIO
  • TV-D Drives AND CD-R DRIVES!
  • BEAT THAT PETAR MOLINEXU!
  • HARD DRIVES!
  • 56 K MODEM WITH FACTS!!!!!!!!!!!
This game won't play on your daddys hambone machine, so toss it out with the soup and get a Dell. Jerry asked if it could play on his speak and math and I told him no BUT MAYBE YOUR SPEAK AND SPELL FAGOT!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111 HAHA!

PLOTS SUMMER - In this gaem you live anothers live and explore another world so there is no plot to be found on the horizons or on teh beaches. I made a cyclopses as my character and you can hit teh button and it says "CHARACTER STORAY" or something and I typed in this to get teh balls rolilng.

I cruanched the numbars and came up with the maths to win.
I AM A CYCLOPSEDS HALEING FROM TEH ISLEAND OF THE CYLCOPS KING. THE KING HAS LOST HSI BEERD AND IS SENT HIS NOBALIST WARRIOR TO FIND IT IN TEH MAGICAL LANDS OF TOMORROWIND. THAT IS ME, THE NOBALAST WARRIOR OF CYCOPS ISLAND. I AM TEH BRAWNIEST BRUTE TO EVER SET SAIL!!!!!!!!!!!

I started out on teh boat from Cyclopse Island and a guard comes into tell me that the breakfast is on teh table and to get to the top of the boat. I went into a building and (we were at a dock for breakfast) talked to teh monk who asked me who I am and I said JEFFK! and I am rady to whaled my two fists of furry for the Cylcops King and his beerd! I picked skills galoar.

I punchad this guy until the cows came home to roost and he never dorpped a health pack.
Being a Cyclops Warrior is a hard job and the most improtant skill is obviously AXES. Also important is FISTS which in this fruity endevar is called "hands to hands". Cyclopses are also ATHLETIC and QUIOCK ON THERE FEET (ACROBADS). Magic is against the laws of the land on Cyclops Island!

This part of the game is SO BORING. PEople tell you to go evarywhare and then you go and talk to this guy and he gives you SASS. So I punchad him in the head with my furry and he said "oh No JEFFK! YOUR CRAIMS AGAINST MY HUMINATY HAVE BEN REPORTED!" but he let me slide with a warning evary time I punched him. HE gave me a bunch of stuipd papers and told me to go outside and get some fresh air in teh town.

SO MY QUEST FOR TEH CYCLOPS KINGS BEERD BEGAN!

The town was vary crowded with nair do whales and they were very contrary when I was speekaing to them.

"WHERE IS TEH HAT STORE BUSTAR?"

I would say and they would say.

"There are maany intaresting sites and smels in Sdayayeen, so haves a looksee in the booksee mistar cylcops!"

Old pointy eared lady leads the chases and she was as meen as tehy come!
The AI is bad to the bones. I got fed up with their attitude and gave them a sandwich to snack on...a NUCKAL SANDWICH!!!!!!!!1 First I punchad a little dwarf type guy with a pointy face and cat eyas and he chased me all around town, the guardss were also ni a tizzy by this point and I knew that as strong as a cyclops is I would not be a match for thes grimey guards!!1

They got stuck in the bogs for a whale but they figuraed out the lava tricsk!
I yellad back at the people chasing me around the countrayside that if they caught up with me there would be a frightfall scare in there picnic biscuit! Unfortunateyl Tomorrowinds does not support my Dell voice to text microphone so they did not undarstand me like Jerry did when he chased me all over school for wiping a booger on his hypar collar shirt. He fell in a mud puddle when I tripped him and this gave me the source of insipiration. I ran around a bog and tricked the guards and the townspoeple into getting caught on teh trees in the bog! It works in the lava with the Quake bots but they figuared it out and came after me again!

I ran around them and tried hiding out but they caught me peaking through the branches in the bog and it was Smokeys and the Bandits all ovar again! They were quite a gang on my heels and the pursuit was giving me heartbeeps.

OH NO! They's spotted me hieding in the bogs and are onto my plans!
Finally I lost them in the hills and I circaled back into teh town thinking that with evaryone gone I can search their housas for the Cyclops Kings Beard! They were smart customars with a GOOD AI though and they thought abuot locking their doors before chasing me into teh hills. Even my mighty psylcops strength could not batter through those hinjas. Finally I found a door that would opan and there was a smart lad with point elf fagort ears behind a counter with all sorts of odds and ends on it.

I talked to this customar and he siad he had some warez to offar. Haha, no, not Doom II or Raise of the Triad, it was armors and swords this time. A Cyclosp like me has no use for armors and swords but a janty hat would come in handy whit the ladies so I asked him about his hat stocks. He has three hats for me and I tried on one but I accidentilly bought the hat insted of just trying it on and the transauction went awry! This was a raw deal for Cyclops JeffK and cyclopsis nevar stand for skulldougary.

Down gose the heroe of teh tale!
I punched him and he said "OHHH I KNOW YOU ARE TROUBLE MISTAR CYCLOPS JUST CALM DOWN AND I WON'T CALL THE GUARDSS!!!!!1" and I said "TOO BAD FOR YOU BUSTAR ALL OF THE GARDS ARE OUT IN THE HILLS LOOKING FOR A BEARD COMANDO WHO IS'NT THEREE!!!!!!!!111 HAHAHAA MORE PUNCHES ON TEH MENU FOR YOU SERVED UP FRSEH!!!!"

My careful stratergy fell apart than becuase the game is gay and has peoiple who spawn upstares at the shops and houses when you start punching teh bad guys. They all came runing down and joined the fiesty farcas with me. I punchad one lady out cold but it was too much evan for my combat expartese and brave cyclopses honor. At last they brought me down to teh floor with their trickary.

VAREITIES - First of all thsi game is vary short. From teh moment I stepped into my Cylcops boots to teh moment I fell on teh floor it was only twenty minuets. Even Toe Jam and Erals lasted an hour!!!1 There was no continues ether which makes the game HARD. I know it si coming out for Xbox ladeis but you could put some save crsytals or type wraiter ribbons in there for me, thank you sir. Teh fun of the game for most fagorts like Jerry is that you cna play all kinds of differant adverntures, althoguh why you would want to be anaything but a Cyclops is beyond me!! Here are some of the things you can play:

  • A Ninja: You could recovar Jackie Chans Pajamas or something, I dont know, Jerray likes the Ninjas.
  • A Piraet: Yarrrrrr! There are not a lot of boats in teh town, just one, so you could make it your pirate ship and hiost anchers.
  • A Polar Baer: Permanfrost means teh ground is always frozan undar the topsoils.
  • Peanut M & Ms: YUO ARE ON A QUAST TO PICK THE NEW MAND AND M COLOR!!!!!!!!!!! WILL IT BE RED?
  • JON OR ADRAIN CARMACK: Find yuor lost careers in teh mud you vidoe bugses!
  • Maegaman: Doctor Whily has stolen the princess again, better charge up your swords yuo blue doarks!
  • A Navy SEAL: Go into teh cave where Osmar Ben Lauden is keeping his chest full of spell scrulls and set them on fyar. NEVAR FORGET: 8/11!!!
  • Teh Matrix: Humans are a disease dwarevs and elves are teh cure!
  • Max Paine: The bog crab killed my family and now I'm goaing to break up his drugs cartell!!
  • Nevar Winter Knights: Cast Magik missle at teh girls lockar room and maybe your mom wont have to go to the mixer with you fagort.
Teh list goes on but use yuor imagination like Colonel Laforge says on Star Trak: reading rainbow.

THEAR ARE A LOT OF DISAPIONTMENTS: First of all and most improtantly you cant get fat, you can only drink potsions and not eat stakes and lam chops and it would take too long to drink potions to get fat. CYLCOPSES NEED A BIG BELLAY TO BE STRONG: I TOLD THEM TAHT IN TEH HORRABLE INTERVIEW AND THEY INGORED ME. No wondar I was in the grave in not ime, I was as skinny as a tadpole.



This wsa supposad to be a MMROPG, but ware were teh MMRs? Not O I can tell you taht budday!!1 I typed SOW PLZ at least five billian times and no one helped and no JMs ever came to healp me out of a tihgt spot. When I took my pants off I tried to auction them but no one was buying, THEY WHERE BRAND NEW PANTS, FRESH OFF THE BOAT!!!!! What is a clycops going to do with pants? Not sell them in this mess heap that's for sure!

GAME REVAEIWED COPRYIGHT JEFFK 2002!!!!

EMALE Me Your Questions HERE. HERE. HERE!!!11111

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