I remember this woodcut from the last issue of Men's Health.LD_angel8ys: what are the steps for the diet
Zack: 1. REMOVE YOUR VESTMENT AND ANNOINT YOUR BODY IN THE OILS OF THE ANCESTOR
Zack: 2. DRAW THE SYMBOL OF THE WARD OF FERDOK UPON THE ALTAR IN SALT SO THAT NOTHING MAY CROSS THE THRESHOLD UNBIDDEN
LD_angel8ys: im just gettin more confused
Zack: 3. BEGIN THE CHANT OF ENTICEMENT AND THE DANCE OF SUPPLICATION
LD_angel8ys: is that like polldance workout?
Zack: 4. OFFER THE HEART'S BLOOD OF THE GOAT AND THE BIRD TO THE FIRE
LD_angel8ys: wait what fire???
Zack: 5. WAIT FIVE TO SIX MINUTES (EIGHT AT ALTITUDES ABOVE 5,000 FEET)
Zack: 6. INVOKE THE TRUE NAME OF VORLEX TO BIND THE SPIRIT
LD_angel8ys: what fire is it talking about
Zack: Do you have Greek Fire?
Zack: Because you're going to need some. It says that and the tears of a deafmute child are the only things that wound Vorlex in his earth form
LD_angel8ys: earth form like a mud bath? mud pack? none of this makes sense is vorlex like that herpe drug?
Zack: Paraphrasing here, but it says be sure to use pure silver weapons to fight off Vorlex's nightmare host if they slip through the gate with him.
Zack: So yeah, I think it's the herpes drug.
LD_angel8ys: and how much bigger will it makes my boob?
Zack: It doesn't say exactly. It says our world will be transformed into an abattoir and the screams of mankind's dying agonies will echo through eternity.
Zack: So a cup size maybe.
LD_angel8ys: im going to die in agony?
Zack: Oh, yeah, whoops that's a risk. But you know what they say...
Zack: CHEESEBURGER DELIGHT
Zack: RED SKY AT NIGHT
ZACK: CHEESEBURGER MOURNING
Zack: SAILORS TAKE WARNING
LD_angel8ys: wtf bebs talk to me in third period tomorow
Zack: You will know me by my huge neck and the turtle on my side.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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