I remember this woodcut from the last issue of Men's Health.LD_angel8ys: what are the steps for the diet
Zack: 1. REMOVE YOUR VESTMENT AND ANNOINT YOUR BODY IN THE OILS OF THE ANCESTOR
Zack: 2. DRAW THE SYMBOL OF THE WARD OF FERDOK UPON THE ALTAR IN SALT SO THAT NOTHING MAY CROSS THE THRESHOLD UNBIDDEN
LD_angel8ys: im just gettin more confused
Zack: 3. BEGIN THE CHANT OF ENTICEMENT AND THE DANCE OF SUPPLICATION
LD_angel8ys: is that like polldance workout?
Zack: 4. OFFER THE HEART'S BLOOD OF THE GOAT AND THE BIRD TO THE FIRE
LD_angel8ys: wait what fire???
Zack: 5. WAIT FIVE TO SIX MINUTES (EIGHT AT ALTITUDES ABOVE 5,000 FEET)
Zack: 6. INVOKE THE TRUE NAME OF VORLEX TO BIND THE SPIRIT
LD_angel8ys: what fire is it talking about
Zack: Do you have Greek Fire?
Zack: Because you're going to need some. It says that and the tears of a deafmute child are the only things that wound Vorlex in his earth form
LD_angel8ys: earth form like a mud bath? mud pack? none of this makes sense is vorlex like that herpe drug?
Zack: Paraphrasing here, but it says be sure to use pure silver weapons to fight off Vorlex's nightmare host if they slip through the gate with him.
Zack: So yeah, I think it's the herpes drug.
LD_angel8ys: and how much bigger will it makes my boob?
Zack: It doesn't say exactly. It says our world will be transformed into an abattoir and the screams of mankind's dying agonies will echo through eternity.
Zack: So a cup size maybe.
LD_angel8ys: im going to die in agony?
Zack: Oh, yeah, whoops that's a risk. But you know what they say...
Zack: CHEESEBURGER DELIGHT
Zack: RED SKY AT NIGHT
ZACK: CHEESEBURGER MOURNING
Zack: SAILORS TAKE WARNING
LD_angel8ys: wtf bebs talk to me in third period tomorow
Zack: You will know me by my huge neck and the turtle on my side.
The most beautiful woman on all of Facebook is no longer just enchanting your Facebook feed. She's here, y'all!
These sponges will make your hair WHITE and your teeth CURLY.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.