An endless series of "To Catch a Predator" special reports on TV left me wondering when the police were going to use the Internet to crack down on all of the other criminals out there. Busting some sexual predators is great, but what the world needs is a full-spectrum Internet warrior.
Enter Detective Don Gombo, my alter-ego and a Detective with "NetCops" the Internet's first police department. Posing as Detective Gombo posing as various other people, I used the time-tested method of entrapment to shine the light of justice on three of the Internet's worst criminals. To really drive the point home I created a website to underline the seriousness of each person's crime.
Please note that while the alias and assumed identity may change, Detective Don Gombo was behind the computer at all times. Detective Don Gombo will appear in blue when he is using another alias and in red once he has revealed his identity.
Hotbabe4u: Hey there stug how are you doing tonight
Boomhour: good u
Hotbabe4u: Oh batty I am doing really good I am just hot and bottled with all of these illegal passwords I have got a hold of
Hotbabe4u: heck yeah sugar pipe I got all the best passwords
Boomhour: what do u mean what 4????????
Hotbabe4u: I got adult passwords
Hotbabe4u: come on hat cakes these are the wettest passwords ever you're turning me on
Boomhour: lol how did u get them
Hotbabe4u: I am an expert computer hacker
Hotbabe4u: I hacked them from secured computer networks using illegal software
Boomhour: sounds good u got any good sites
Hotbabe4u: Mmmm beany I got the best sites they are so hot I have hotsex.com and adultsex.com
Boomhour: u got next door nikki?
Hotbabe4u: Oh yeah I got that one all over in between my big boobs
Boomhour: lol ok send me that one
Hotbabe4u: You can download the password for it here
Detective Don Gombo: BUSTED, PUCK! THIS IS DETECTIVE DON GOMBO FROM NETCOPS THE INTERNET POLICE!
Boomhour: f u
Detective Don Gombo: IM AFRAID THE ONLY ONE "F" IS "U" MY FRIEND. WELCOME TO THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE WEB!
Boomhour: lol u cant do anything i dint do anything faggot
Detective Don Gombo: NETCOPS ARE EN ROUTE TO YOUR COORDINATES REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE AND AWAIT NET JUSTICE!
Boomhour: F U mothafucker
Detective Don Gombo: YOU CANT RUN, DICK BAG, WEVE GOT YOUR IP LOADED INTO OUR MAINFRAME AS EVIDENCE!
Detective Don Gombo: INTENT TO DOWNLOAD ILLEGAL PASSWORDS FOR ADULT COMPROMISES Detective Don Gombo: TEN YEARS HARD TIME IN THE CLINK
Boomhour has signed off*******
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.