What's worse than getting obnoxious ICQ chain letters or spam messages? Well, besides listening to the Villain Thieves. For me, it's the fact that many people who spam on ICQ have it set so they won't receive any messages back from people who aren't on their personal ICQ list. When I got a message from this "c0n c0n" person, warning me in all capital letters to avoid getting files from some other person named "VIRUSD00D", I was really happy to find out that he responded to my messages. Time to reel this guy in.
What's worse than getting obnoxious ICQ chain letters or spam messages? Well, besides listening to the Villain Thieves. For me, it's the fact that many people who spam on ICQ have it set so they won't receive any messages back from people who aren't on their personal ICQ list. When I got a message from this "c0n c0n" person, warning me in all capital letters to avoid getting files from some other person named "VIRUSD00D", I was really happy to find out that he responded to my messages. Time to reel this guy in. This is one of my longest pranks by far, but I think it's also one of the funniest. The longer you read, the more bizarre it gets, as I was slowly testing how much BS I could feed this guy. Turns out he could take a LOT. Oh yeah, sorry for everything being in caps, but it was for the sake of the prank.
c0n c0n - SEND THIS TO EVERYONE:
CLICK FORWARD CAUS VIRUS HAS BEEN SPREAD BY NICK: VIRUSD00D DO'NT ACCEPT IT FROM HIM AND FORWARD THIS TO YOUR CONTACT LIST OR ICQ WILL CRASH CAUS OF IT.
Lowtax - OH OKAY I WILL NOT ACEPT ANY FILES HE SENDS
I ASKED HIM FOR A COPY OF FALLOUT 2 THO, CAN I STILL ACCEPT THAT FILE? HE SAID IT WONT HAVE ANY VIRUSESSES IN IT
c0n c0n - YOU WHAT?!?!?!?! I SAID DON'T ACCEPT ANYTHING!! CAN BE HARMUL STUFF
Lowtax - HOW DO U KNOW THEY ARE VIRSUSES? ARE YOU A VIRUSS EXPART? DO YOU WORK FOR PETAR NORTON?
c0n c0n - I AM SECURITY MEDIA EXPERT
I WRITE REPORTS ON VIRUSES AND WARN PPL ON ICQ AND STUFF
Lowtax - OH WOW, THATS COOL, YOU ARE AN EXPART, CAN I ADD U TO MY ICQ LIST PLEASE?! I AM SCARED OF COMPUTAR VIRSUSES AND NEED TO ASK U A QUESTIONS
c0n c0n - YEAH EXPERT IN VIRUSES WELL... IN ISSUING WARNINGS AND STUFF
Lowtax - HE SAID HES GOING TO SEND ME TUROOK 2 DINOSORE HUNTAR BUT I DONT THINK HE'LL PUT A VIRUSES IN IT
c0n c0n - NO NO NO!!! DON'T ACCEPT
IT IS DANGEROUS THATS WHAT HE DOOES PUTS IN GAMES SO PPL GET THEM
Lowtax - OH NOOOOOO! OKEY, I WILL TELL HIM I WONT EXCEPT HIS FILE THEN! THANKS, YUO SAVED ME!!! WHAT COMPANY DO U WORK FOR?
c0n c0n - NO PROBLEM AT ALL IT IS MY JOB I GET PAYED AND ALL
I WOULD DO IT FOR FREE AND STUFF
Lowtax - OH SHIT WHAT ABOUT THAT VIRUS FROM "INDEPENDANCE DAY" THAT THEY UPLOADED TO THE UFO? IF I GET THAT, WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO MY COMPUTAR?
Lowtax - IM USING AOL THO, SO I PROBALY CANT GET IT
c0n c0n - I WORK FOR THE "FAV MEDIA" FIGHT AGAINST VIRUSES
c0n c0n - IT IS AN UNDERGROUND ORGANIZATION THAT HELPS PPL DEAL WITH VIRUSES AFFECTING THE WINDOWS COMMUNITY
WE MOSTLY WORK ON SPREADING INFO ACROSS ICQ
Lowtax - IM AN INVENTOR AND I INVENT THINGS WITH COMPUTERS
HAVE YU EVER INVANTED ANYTHING?
c0n c0n - YOU INVENT THINGS? WHAT THINGS?
Lowtax - HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE "SONIC GARAGE"? I AM INVENTING THAT, IT WAS IN POPULARE SCIENCE A FEW MONTHS AGO
c0n c0n - THAT IS COOL WHAT DOES THAT DO AND STUFF?
Lowtax - ITS A TOTALLY OXYGEN FREE ENVIROOMENT FOR YUOR CAR TO PARK IN - - THAT WAY< YOUR CAR WILL NEVER RUST OR GET OLD WHEN YOU PARK IT. IT WILL ADD OVER 10 YEARS OF LIFE TO YOUR CAR, BECAUSE THERE IS NO OXYGEN TO MAKE YOUR CARS PARTS DECAY
c0n c0n - WEIRD??? SO THATS LIKE A BUBBLE CAR OR SOMETHING? SOUNDS COOL
Lowtax - NO, I'M USEING POSITIVE DISPLACEMENT FEEDBACK AIRLOCKS AND PNEUMATIC CONVEYING COMPONENTS TO DEPRESSURIZE THE ATMOSPHERE INSIDE THE GARAGE UNIT. RIGHT NOW THE GARAGE CAN STORE ABOUT 10 BODIES, BUT I AM WORKING ON A LARGER ONE THAT CAN HOUSE 20 SOON
Lowtax - IM AN INDEPANDEANT CONTRACTOR
IM GOING TO APPROACH INVESTORS SOON, ONCE I CLEAR UP SOME LEGAL ISSUES WITH THE POLICE
c0n c0n - ISSUES WITH THE POLICE? WHY? IS THAT NOT LEGAL AND STUFF?
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.