c0n c0n - PERSUATION? YOU MUST BE A REALLY GOOD TALKER THEN CAUZ I BET THAT WOULD BE A HARD THING TO DO TO ACCEPT DANGEROUS EXPERIMENTS

Lowtax - YEAH, I GOT SOME KIND OF CRAZY WAY WITH WORDS, YOU KNOW? I"M ALWAYS GETTING THE BROADS TO SLEEP WITH ME AND STUFF, AND THE NUTBAGS CANT WAIT TO TEST OUT MY SONIC GARAGE. IM A PUBLIC PERSON, YUO KNOW? THE POLICE ARE PROBABLY JEALOUSE

c0n c0n - YEAH THATS WHAT I WAS ABOUT TO SAY!! THEY MUST BE JEOLAUS CAUZ THEY DON'T HAVE THE WITS TO DO ANY OF THAT

Lowtax - YEAH, STUPID COPS

I SHOULD GO DOWN TO THE STATION AND PERSUADE SOME OF THOSE PIGS TO hANG OUT IN MY SONIC GARAGE FOR A BIT, THATLL CHANGE THEIR MINDS

c0n c0n - YEAH DO THAT

MAN I AM SURE YOU CAN CONVINCE THEM MAYBE THEY CAN BE LIKE EXPECTATORS TO YOUR EXPERIMETNS SO THEY SEE YOU ARE TRYING TO DO A GOOD THING FOR SOCIETY AND SO THEY DON'T FEEL LIKE LEFT OUT OR SOMETHING MAYBE THATS WHY THEY ARE MAD, CAUZ YOU DON'T TELL THEM WHAT YOU ARE UPTO

Lowtax - OH, THEY KNOW WHAT IM UP TO, THEYRE JUST PISSED CUZ THEY CANT PROVE ANYTHING ALL THE CHARGES AGAINST ME IN COURT WERE DROPPED BECAUSE THEY COULDNT FIND THE WITNESS BEFORE TRIAL. I GAVE HER A "PERSONAL" TOUR OF MY SONIC GARAGE, AND SHE SEEMED TO MYSETERIOUSLY DISAPPEARE! HA HA

c0n c0n - SHE DISSAPEARED? WHAT HAPPENED?

Lowtax - I DONT KNOW, ILL CHECK AND SEE RIGHT AFTER I GET DONE DOWNLOADING A COPY OF "NORTON ANTIVIRUS" FROM VIRUSD00D

c0n c0n - WHAT?? NO DON'T DOWNLOAD IT FROM HIM!! BUY IT IN A STORE OR IF YOU HAVE A FAST CONNECTION DOWNLOAD IT FROM THE MACFEE SITE HE IS TRYING TO CHEAT YOU MAN!! HE IS TRYING TO SEND YOU A CLEANER SO YOU TRUST HIM BUT IN REALITY THE CLEANER IS A TROJAN OR VIRUS DON'T DO IT, IT COULDE BE A REALLY DANGEROUS VIRUS AND WIPE OFF YOUR WHOLE COMPUTER DON'T DO IT OK????

Lowtax - OH SHIT, OKEY< I'LL CANCEL THE DOWNLOAD THANKS, U SAVED ME!!@ HAHA, THE COPS ARE AT MY DOOR AGAIN, BANGING AT IT! STUPID PIGS

c0n c0n - NO PROBLEM MAN I AM HERE TO HELP

OUT THE COPS ARE BANGING ON YOUR DOOR? WHAT DO THEY WANT?

Lowtax - THEY CLAIM THEY GOT AN ARREST WARRANT OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT, ITS BULLSHIT, YOU KNOW?

c0n c0n - IT HAS GOT TO BE BULLSHIT

CHECK IF THE WARRANT IS LEGAL COPS TEND TO DO THAT, SO THEY INCRIMINNATE YOU

Lowtax - YEAH, THATS WHAT THEYRE DOING. IT DOESNT MATTER, THEY CANT GET THROUGH THE IRON DOOR I GOT UP FRONT ANYWAYS SHIT, THEYRE LOOKING THROUGH THE BACKYARD. I GUESS THEY CUT THROUGH MY BARB WIRE FENSE AND DISABLED THE PIT BULLS> THIS MIGHT NOT BE GOOD

Lowtax - YEAH, LOOKS LIKE THEYRE TRYING TO BREAK INTO THE SONIC GARAGE OUT BACK. THATS NOT GOOD, CAUSE THEN THEYLL BE ABLE TO TALK TO ALL THE PEOPLE LOCKED UP INSIDE AND I BET THOSE BITCHES WILL SAY SOMETIHING THAT WILL INCRIMINATE ME SHIT

c0n c0n - FUCK! LOCK THE DOOR MAN DON'T LET THOSE BASTARDS IN AND WHY ARE YOUR TEST SUBJECTS STILL THERE? YOU DOING EXPERIMENTS RIGHT NOW?

Lowtax - WELL< SOME OF THE TEST SUBJECTS TRY TO LEAVE BEFORE THE EXPERIMENT IS OVER, SO I GOTTA LOCK EM DOWN AND CHAIN EM UP TO THE WALL UNTIL THE EXPERIMENT IS OVER. PPL ARE BITCHES SOMETIMES AND TEH FUCKIN COPS DONT HELP ANY

c0n c0n - FUCKING COPS MAN

YOU CHAINED YOUR TEST SUBJECTS UP THE WALL? ARE THEY MASSOCHISTS OR SOMETHING? OR IS THAT ALL PART OF THE EXPERIMENT

c0n c0n - I CAN'T BELEIVE THEY ARE OK WITH THAT

IT MUST BE HARD

Lowtax - YEAH< I CHAIN THE FUCKERS UP AND SEE HOW LONG THEY CAN SURVIVE IN THE SONIC GARAGE UNTIL I GET SICK OF THEm, THEN I JUST TURN UP THE PRESSURE INSIDE UNTIL THEY HIT EXPLOSIVE DECOMPRESSION AND THEIR OUT OF COMMSION, BUT THE COPS GOT NO RIGHT NO BUST ME FOR THIS SHIT YOU KNOW>?

Lowtax - YEAH, AND LAST TIME I CHECKED IT WASNT ILLEGAL TO FUCK THE CORPSES EITHER, YOU KNOW? BUT THEYRE TRYING TO BUST ME FOR THAT TOO, JESUS, ITS HARD BEING AN INVENTOR THESE DAYS

More Pranks [ICQ]

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade &amp; Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.