Lowtax - Yo Jmbo, what's cooking, bg man?
Jimbo - Hello!
Lowtax - You been followng the Chefs news?
Jimbo - Yes I have!
Lowtax - Thats fantastc, because me sure as hell haven't. You remember that fuckng brd flyng around the place?
Jimbo - From yesterday?
Lowtax - You got a great memory there Jmmy. Yeah, that brd. Anyway, t was flyng all over the fuckng place lke some lttle spaz and 'm throwng sht at t sayng "MARYELLE, GET YOUR FUCKNG BRD BACK NTO TS FUCKNG CAGE OR 'M GONG TO COOK THE FUCKNG THNG!!!" cause the lttle bastard shts all over my stuff when t gets out. The last thng need on my pants s a wad of brd sht, you understand?
Jimbo - Sounds like an obnoxsious bird. Why are you typing like that?
Lowtax - 'm gettng to that, Jmmy. So anyways, there am, throwng books and sht at that lttle fucker and my wfes just gong nuts, screamng about not httng her brd and sht. So says, "MARYELLE, F YOU DDN'T WANT THAT BRD TO GET T'S SHT KCKED, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LET T OUT OF TS FUCKNG CAGE!" and t was just nuts. then the fuckng bastard craps all over my keyboard, and now can't use the key (between the u and o key) because t's caked wth sht and doesnt fuckng work no more.
Jimbo - The "I" key?
Lowtax - You got t, Jmmy.
Jimbo - What a terrible bird. Doesn't she train it? My wife's sister has a bird. A pocket parrot I think? Have you heard of those?
Lowtax - That's swell, Jmmy, but me dont care about that rght now. Got a bgger problem on my hands, cause that lttle fucker sht all over the keyboard and 've got no clue how to clean t out.
Jimbo - You should probably just buy a new keyboard for your computer.
Lowtax - Jimmy, o got to go now, clean ths sht out of the keyboard, m gonna put the thng n the dshwasher or some sht. bbl
Jimbo - In the dishwasher?
Jimbo - Why?
Jimbo - Don't put it into the dishwasher!
Jimbo - Are you there?
Jimbo - You'll lose your keyboard if you put it in the dishwasher!
Jimbo - Denny? Hello?
Tucker Carlson's idiot brother just called New York mayor Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "LabiaFace."
Hey, have you guys ever seen a picture of a cat before? Well, guess what. It’s your lucky day, because I’m mixing the concept of a picture of my cat with the concept of the Internet!
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.