phoenix - what kind of stuff?
Lowtax - RIGHT NOW WE'RE IN THE INITIAL STAGES OF R&D. DOING SOME SECRET RESEARCH AND THE LIKE.
phoenix - whats this pic of?
Lowtax - ITS OUR FEMTOSECOND LASER. THE ARGON-ION GAS LASER PRODUCES PULSES OF 10 FEMTOSECOND LIGHT BY PUMPING A TITANIUM DOPED SAPPHIRE.
phoenix - what u use it for?
Lowtax - WE SHINE IT IN KIDS EYES AND PUSH THEM DOWN. IT'S AN EXPERIMENT WE'RE DOING.
phoenix - what do u do that? that legal?
Lowtax - YEAH ITS LEGAL, SILLY. THIS IS A PUBLICALLY TRADED COMPANY. WE SHINE THE LASER INTO THE KIDS EYES BECAUSE WE'RE MAKING HOLOGRAMS AND STUDYING THE EFFECTS ON THE HUMAN BRAIN
Lowtax - KIDS ARE LIKE MINI-HUMANS, SO WE JUST USE THEM SO WE DONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH ANY LEGAL PAPERWORK OR STUFF.
phoenix - kewl, holograms? like u use the lassers to make holograms?
Lowtax - YEAH THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT. WE SHINE A CHIRPED-PULSE AMPLIFICATION LASER INTO THE KIDS EYES AND SEE HOW THEY REACT. WE'RE DOING SOME TOP SECRET STUFF DOWN THERE.
phoenix - like what? with the lasers? holograms?
Lowtax - YEAH. IT'S TOP SECRET, SO I DONT KNOW IF I CAN TELL YOU.
phoenix - u can tell me
Lowtax - OH OKAY
Lowtax - You can make quick bucks EASY!!! Microsoft and AOL have merged and are working on their new version of ICQ, so forward this message to everybody on your ICQ list! You could win up to $1,000 per forwarding! Please send this to everybody on your list!
phoenix - what??
Lowtax - SORRY, I WAS JUST TRYING TO INCREASE THE ODDS OF ME WINNING THAT $100,000.
Lowtax - ANYWAY, WE'RE BUILDING HOLOGRAPHIC FURNITURE.
phoenix - what is that?
Lowtax - WELL, IT'S FOR PEOPLE WHO CANT AFFORD REALLY NICE FURNITURE, SO THEY BUY OUR LASER SYSTEMS WHICH WILL MAKE HOLOGRAPHIC FURNITURE THAT LOOKS REALLY NICE FROM THE OUTSIDE. IT ADDS A LOT OF RESALE VALUE TO YOUR HOUSE AND ITS TOTALLY PORTABLE AND CONVENIENT.
phoenix - can utake it anywyhere?
Lowtax - YEAH EXCEPT THE ZOO
Lowtax - DONT EVER TAKE HOLOGRAPHIC STUFF TO THE ZOO
Lowtax - THAT'S JUST ASKING FOR TROUBLE!
Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.