phoenix - why furniture?

Lowtax - WE WANTED A CHALLENGE. IT'S EASY TO REPRODUCE HOLOGRAMS OF PEOPLE AND PRESIDENTS AND ANIMALS AND BEARS, BUT NOBODY HAS EVER MADE HOLOGRAPHIC FURNITURE BEFORE BECAUSE IT'S SO HARD.

Lowtax - FURNITURE IS THE TRUE TEST OF SKILL IN THE HOLOGRAM / LASER INDUSTRY. WE'RE VERY CLOSE TO MAKING IT HAPPEN MY FRIEND.

phoenix - kewl, people have made holographic people already? how come nobody has this? u think it would be in the newspapers or sometihing.

Lowtax - IT'S A GOVERNMENT CONTRACT. PUBLIC SECTOR GETS THE INFORMATION ON HOW TO BUILD ONE ABOUT THREE YEARS AFTER THE GOVERNMENT HAS IT. YOU WILL PROBABLY START HEARING ABOUT IN IN 2 YEARS OR SO.

phoenix - woah, thats really neat.

Lowtax - YOU BET, PAL. WE'RE GOING TO MARKET A BIG LINE OF HOLOGRAPHIC RUGS SOON. I MEAN, ITS A GENIUS IDEA. ALL YOU DO IS PUT THE HOLOGRAPHIC LASER ON THE GROUND AND IT MAKES IT LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE A FANCY RUG THERE.

Lowtax - I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL DOES A RUG DO ANYWAY? IT JUST COVERS UP A PATCH OF YOUR UGLY CARPET. BUT NOBODY WANTS RUGS BECAUSE THEY'RE SO HEAVY AND YOU CANT PICK THEM UP BECAUSE THEY WEIGH SO MUCH. NOW YOU CAN BRING YOUR RUG ANYWHERE - THE LIVING ROOM, BATHROOM, WORK, OUT CAMPING, ANYWHERE!

Lowtax - EXCEPT THE ZOO.

phoenix - why not the zoo?

Lowtax - ANIMALS HATE ARGON!!! THEY GO CRAZY!

phoenix - ohhhh, i didnt knwo that

Lowtax - THEY START RUNNING AROUND AND VOMITING AND KNOCKING EVERYTHING OVER! ITS A MESS LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE!

phoenix - why do they do thayt?

Lowtax - I DONT KNOW, THEY JUST GO NUTS WHEN THEIR BRAINS BECOME IONIZED PLASMA FOR SOME REASON.

phoenix - crazy

Lowtax - YOU BET.

Lowtax - WHAT DO YOU DO?

phoenix - im a student

Lowtax - NO, THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT.

phoenix - what did u mean?

Lowtax - I MEAN WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN SOMEBODY SHINES AN ARGON-ION GAS LASER INTO YOUR EYES?

phoenix - i dont know, Ive never seen one.

Lowtax - MAYBE YOU SHOULD COME DOWN FOR SOME EXPERIMENTS. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

phoenix - lol, no way

More Pranks [ICQ]

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

  • SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.