Rap Awesome.KenK: Music is very good. Sir, I understand you have DVD. Is this mail order product?
Zack: Yeah, my DVD is called "Learn How to Rap Awesome" and I go by my stage name of DJ Rap MC. I guess I could sell it by the mail.
KenK: Very good. Sir, do you prefer a traditional market campaign or a new media market campaign?
Zack: My beats are fresh so I have to say new media. Do you know how to rap, Kenk?
KenK: No, sir. Music is very good though.
Zack: A big part of rap is improvising and just coming up with stuff on the spot. This is technically called "flowin'". Like you feel it inside you and the words just come out.
Zack: Kenk, Kenk. Kenk, Kenk. He don't even think, got plates in the sink. Gonna get a drink, and the glasses will clink. You see what I mean?
KenK: I like very good. We have many package that interest you. We move large volume units. Do you have an email where I can send you price quotes?
Zack: DJ Rap MC on the computer, stealin' rhymes like a looter, my man Kenk on point, rockin' the whole joint. We eatin' red apples, droppin' phat grapnels. Far East dragon, grab another flagon of this mad mead I'm pourin' and with awesome babes we are scorin'.
KenK: Very good. Sir, you have no email in profile. What is your e-mail for the quote?
Zack: I'm just joking around, but you get the idea. Wait, I can do better. What are your interests?
KenK: Customer satisfaction and marketing experience to China.
Zack: Rap, rap. Rap, rap, rap. If ya'll tryna do marketin' on China, catch Kenk's chain reaction of customer satisfaction. Rap, rap. Rap, rap.
KenK: Very good. Sir, what is your e-mail?
Zack: I also have a CD I am interested in selling. It's not really related to the DVD, so you might want to adjust your quotes and what have you.
KenK: Okay! We include price for DVD and CD and combination of two.
Zack: It's my first CD and it's called "The Rap Never Sets". It's the best selling album in Odahoa.
KenK: Very good. Popular American music translate well to China. Just need e-mail address to send information!
Zack: Probably my best song on that album is "Rap Emperor". I basically go through and do this rap thing called "dissing" on a bunch of people.
KenK: What is your e-mail address?
Zack: Here's how it goes:
Zack: I am the rap emperor, the king of fresh, all hail me and forget all the rest. Snoop Dogg is a bad rapper, his raps aren't good, he's smoking too much drugs all up in the hood. Run DMC can't run from me, I will chase them in a tree as I set my rhyming free. Puff Daddy is the father of bad rap, he tries to rap but his raps are all crap.
KenK: I like it very good. Please, e-mail address?
Zack: Hold on, don't bust me up. I'm still going.
Zack: 50 cent, more like 15 cent, he has been shot a lot but I guess a bullet doesn't make you rap better. Here's a nickel, buy a new sweater. Now it's time to rap about my least favorite guy and it's the Beastie Boys. More like Beatless Boys. They couldn't find a rap if it was on a present with their name on the card, rhymin' ain't hard but it is if you're lame and all your raps are the same. Rap suckas.
KenK: I am very impress.
Zack: Hang on, one more verse: Last off I gotta rap, about the worst rappers of all time, their raps are a crime. I'm talkin' about China, and I ain't even gonna tryna, make an execuse for their shameful lack of rap juice. A whole nation can't find a beat if it's in a present with their name on it, their raps will never be a hit. They could all watch my DVD, and still couldn't tell me, what it takes to be a rapper whose rhymes don't belong in the crapper. I hate China and I hate the Chinese, so I'm askin' you please, I'm down on my knees, beggin' you to just cease. Quit rappin' and...Peace!
KenK: Very good. I like song about China. Will be very popular in China. Can we talk about offer now?
Zack: Of course, Kenk. What did you need to know?
KenK: e-mail address?
Zack: My email address is email@example.com.
KenK: Thank you! I will send mailing to address and to office. We have brochure to look at.
Zack: Thank you, Kenk. How can I ever repay you?
KenK: Prices are list on quote.
Zack: I have a good feeling about this.
KenK: Yes, the feeling is good.
Zack: I love you, Kenk.
KenK: Very good.
The Remains of Bidet (James Ivory, 1993)
We might find we have more in common than we think if we just stop fighting long enough to combine our bodies into a singular organism.
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