Colleen - And you don't think this is a bit harsh?
Lowtax - No, she learn fast! For example, we say "Myiama, you no climb tree! It near power lines!" so we put her in Box of Trial with wires and wood pole and kick box around say "See what happens when you climb tree near power lines? Play it smart, for a God's sake!" She never climb in this tree since!
Lowtax - Fast results, works well on pets too!
Colleen - What?!! That is terrible!! You train your pets that way also?!
Lowtax - Yes, we have doberman pincher, we get for security! We train it to attack burglars, so we get picture of buglar and burglar doll and put it in box with dog, we then kick box around and shove it and flip it over and shout "ATTACK ENEMY BURGLAR, PINCEE, ATTACK AND INJURY!" and my wife flips lights on and off and makes ghosts noises. Dog does not enjoy ghost noises either, so it learns that in dark with burglar, it should be attacking! Very angry afterwords, not a good thing if we in room!
Colleen - I don't think ANY of this is responsible parenting at all and as a dog lover I find that to be REPREHENSIBLE! Have you any idea what your doing?
Lowtax - Yes, throw dogs and child into box!!! We teach lessons of life with box and noises of ghost! Miss Colleen, I have MUCH experience, good thing! I knows what I do!
Colleen - I dont think you HAVE ANY idea!
Lowtax - I spend many years learning optimal teaching, you dont know what you are talking about! I don't know what you talk of, but you simply are vile, YAH!
Colleen - FIRST OFF, you don't know me at ALL, so dont you DARE call me names! SECOND I could report you for animal and EVEN CHILD abuse, so DONT YOU DARE.
Lowtax - Oh no, EVEN CHILD ABUSE! That is worse than ODD CHILD abuse, yes?
Lowtax - HA HA, I make joke on English! I am kidding you, Mister Colleen! YAH!
Lowtax - Sounds like maybe you need time in "Sissy Box", because you are acting like sissy!
Colleen - Your parenting techniques are REPREHENSIBLE and make me SICK!!!
Colleen - WHAT??!
Lowtax - Tonka! We put you in box on Tuesday, maybe let you out next Thursday, I don't know.
Lowtax - You learn fast? You afraid of ghost sounds? We throw you in with cabbage and magic markers, maybe you draw faces of your tormentors upon cabbage? Perhaps it could be theraputic for your condition? I dont know, I never try this before.
Colleen - Do you realize that with your ICQ information, I could report you to the police right now?
Lowtax - OH GOAH, NO NOT AGAIN! Please dont be reporting to police again, they already come out twice today.
Lowtax - I tells them "We dont know who call you, but we dont hear no sounds!" Police say they have complaints of crazy sounds, because we place cat in "Transgoggal Box" and try to makes it act more like attack dog, as experiment! Pet project of mine, you know. So we gots cat in "Transgoggal Box" and we load it into wheelbarrow and push it into wall a few many times, cat goes CRAZY and makes CRAZY sounds, and neighbors complain to Police! So no more Police, thank you!
Lowtax - Hey!!!!!!
Lowtax - Where you go, Miss Thang??????
Lowtax - Hello, you here? You building box? HA HA HA!
Colleen - you are SICK. Youd better hope to GOD I dont call you into the police. SICK.
Lowtax - I dont fear, prison is nothing but larger box with bars! I bring "Space Box" get in and pretend astronaut! Weeee, TONKA!
Lowtax - OK, I learn many important tips from you tonight, thank you very much! I must leave now because we must teach Myiama about math by putting her in math box and pushing it into refridgeration unit! GOOD-BYE!
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.