Dean v. Kwame

Occasionally some of my older articles generate outraged emails from readers many years after they were originally published. Recently a few readers have been inflamed by an article I wrote way back in 2006 about a girl with extreme birth defects. These irate idiots have kept mostly to email, but occasionally they bleed over to the world of AIM. Beset by complainers, I did the only thing possible. I began replying to all of their pestering with the text messages of disgraced Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick.

My Kwame Kilpatrick text messages routine usually works to annoy people away in a hurry, but DeanR hung in there for way too long.

DeanR: Can't believe you wrote article about her

DeanR: You're a fucking piece of shit

Kwame Kilpatrick: MTG ME SOMEWHERE! YOU NAME I'LL BE THERE IN 1HR.

DeanR: You want to meet? I'll meet. Beat your nerd ass.

DeanR: I'm 6'5 250 pounds buddy

DeanR: I will fuck you up

Kwame Kilpatrick: BE THERE IN 5MINS. CRACK THE DOOR

DeanR: Be where in five minutes??

Kwame Kilpatrick: I WOULD BE MAD AS HELL! STAY WITH LOU. I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER DUDE.

DeanR: You can't take me? Then why you wanna meet up?

DeanR: Man fuck you

Kwame Kilpatrick: Can't GET YOU OUT OF MY SYSTEM! Don't WANT TO EITHER. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.

DeanR: What the hell? Dude, you need to fuck off.

DeanR: You are a bad human being.

Kwame Kilpatrick: I'm IN MADISON, WI T US CONF OF MAYORS

DeanR: Madison where? Madison, Wisconsin?

DeanR: Bitch I am in Santa Monica you can fly your ass out here if you want to get beat to pieces.

I'm not sure what "thaiya" is, but according to Google Image Search this woman might be Thaiya and she also might be a man.Kwame Kilpatrick: REAL INTO YOU TODAY. LIKE EVERYDAY. ALL I THINK ABOUT IS HOLDING YOU. IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO MISS YOU TODAY BECAUSE I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU ALL DAMN DAY. IT WAS LIKE YOU WRE THERE!

DeanR: Fuck off

Kwame Kilpatrick: YES. AT THAT TIME I HAD ALREADY CONVINCED MYSELF THAT I WOULD NEVER HAVE YOU. I BELIEVED WITH ALL MY HEART THAT YOU WERE LOU'S WOMAN, AND THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO!

DeanR: You are one sick fuck

DeanR: No wonder

Kwame Kilpatrick: HELL YEAH! VACATION IS NOT UNTIL AUG 11.

DeanR: Stop sending me that shit, I don't care about your vacation bitch

Kwame Kilpatrick: SHIIIIT. NIGGA SOME THAIYA! 100% GOOD TO THE LAST DROP THAIYA. CAN I, PRETTY PLEASE?

Dean disconnected at that point and I assumed my Kwame spam had driven him away.