The next morning at around 10 AM Dean started in again. I believe he initially mistook me for a coworker and he wanted me to call into work for him.

Is this the mysterious HHCP?DeanR: Stan call Terry. Tell him I will be there, but to go ahead and start.

DeanR: Can you give Terry a call???

Kwame Kilpatrick: WORRY ABOUT GETTING CAUGHT ASS. STOP TRYING TO MICROMANAGE MY 2WAY! LOL GOODNIGHT G!

DeanR: Stop messing around. Tell Terry I will be there for the HHCP. I've got the video on my laptop.

Kwame Kilpatrick: NO WAY! I'm ABOUT TO LOSE IT. YOUR HUSBAND IS ON HIS WAY. LEAVE ME ALONE AND GO TO SLEEP. LOL!

DeanR: Hang on. Slow down. What are you talking about? Lose what?

DeanR: Quit joking around.

Kwame Kilpatrick: COMING OUT OF GHETTO ASS WENDYS ON MY WAY HOME. WHAT Are YOUUU DOING?

DeanR: Trying to get the HHCP loaded with the updated logo. Will you call Terry, my cell is out and he is not on AIM.

Kwame Kilpatrick: JUST CHILL WITH YOU. GO TO A MOVIE. GO OUT TO EAT. OH YEAH, MAKE LOVE IN EVERY WAY IMAGINABLE.

DeanR: Stan

Kwame Kilpatrick: I PUT NIGGAS OUT FOR You! LOLOL. ESPECIALLY TO SEE What's NEW AROUND THE THAIYAA!

DeanR: Stanly

DeanR: Shit

I have no idea what he thought Stanley was talking about or what the hell an HHCP is. You would think this would be the final communication, but no, Dean had a moment of clarity and became enraged. He had cottoned onto what I was doing and he was not about to stand for it.

Eddie Murphy 1983.DeanR: What you are doing is against the law.

DeanR: You are interfering with the operation of a business.

Kwame Kilpatrick: Is it was a gift! Why are you asking?

DeanR: Don't play cute with me. You were cramming my communications related to a business. You cost us real dollars.

Kwame Kilpatrick: Whatever Nigga! You know you brought that shit on yourself! Don't make have to fuck you up&Eddie Murphy 1983.

DeanR: I am going to drive over you with my truck and beat you with a three-foot aluminum brace. You can quote that Dean 2009.

Kwame Kilpatrick: Is Lyric?

DeanR: No it's truth. The future. It's what's gonna happen to your ass if I ever get ahold of it!!

Kwame Kilpatrick: My nose is wide ass open. Thank you for loving me. Stay awake!

There is still more epilogue, including a series of emails from someone named Lawrence T who sounds like he is probably DeanR. I also noticed at some point DeanR came online and had changed his name to Lawyer. He never messaged me, but I expect a subpoena for "interfering with the operation of a business" any day now.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Pranks [ICQ]

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.