The next morning at around 10 AM Dean started in again. I believe he initially mistook me for a coworker and he wanted me to call into work for him.
Is this the mysterious HHCP?DeanR: Stan call Terry. Tell him I will be there, but to go ahead and start.
DeanR: Can you give Terry a call???
Kwame Kilpatrick: WORRY ABOUT GETTING CAUGHT ASS. STOP TRYING TO MICROMANAGE MY 2WAY! LOL GOODNIGHT G!
DeanR: Stop messing around. Tell Terry I will be there for the HHCP. I've got the video on my laptop.
Kwame Kilpatrick: NO WAY! I'm ABOUT TO LOSE IT. YOUR HUSBAND IS ON HIS WAY. LEAVE ME ALONE AND GO TO SLEEP. LOL!
DeanR: Hang on. Slow down. What are you talking about? Lose what?
DeanR: Quit joking around.
Kwame Kilpatrick: COMING OUT OF GHETTO ASS WENDYS ON MY WAY HOME. WHAT Are YOUUU DOING?
DeanR: Trying to get the HHCP loaded with the updated logo. Will you call Terry, my cell is out and he is not on AIM.
Kwame Kilpatrick: JUST CHILL WITH YOU. GO TO A MOVIE. GO OUT TO EAT. OH YEAH, MAKE LOVE IN EVERY WAY IMAGINABLE.
Kwame Kilpatrick: I PUT NIGGAS OUT FOR You! LOLOL. ESPECIALLY TO SEE What's NEW AROUND THE THAIYAA!
I have no idea what he thought Stanley was talking about or what the hell an HHCP is. You would think this would be the final communication, but no, Dean had a moment of clarity and became enraged. He had cottoned onto what I was doing and he was not about to stand for it.
Eddie Murphy 1983.DeanR: What you are doing is against the law.
DeanR: You are interfering with the operation of a business.
Kwame Kilpatrick: Is it was a gift! Why are you asking?
DeanR: Don't play cute with me. You were cramming my communications related to a business. You cost us real dollars.
Kwame Kilpatrick: Whatever Nigga! You know you brought that shit on yourself! Don't make have to fuck you up&Eddie Murphy 1983.
DeanR: I am going to drive over you with my truck and beat you with a three-foot aluminum brace. You can quote that Dean 2009.
Kwame Kilpatrick: Is Lyric?
DeanR: No it's truth. The future. It's what's gonna happen to your ass if I ever get ahold of it!!
Kwame Kilpatrick: My nose is wide ass open. Thank you for loving me. Stay awake!
There is still more epilogue, including a series of emails from someone named Lawrence T who sounds like he is probably DeanR. I also noticed at some point DeanR came online and had changed his name to Lawyer. He never messaged me, but I expect a subpoena for "interfering with the operation of a business" any day now.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.