Random messages go with the territory of being an F-list Internet celebrity. Most of the time I ignore or block these random messages. Occasionally they catch me at just the right moment and I respond. Being messaged by a menagerie of the stupidest human beings on earth can sometimes have its benefits. It can also have its anti-benefits. Find out which sort of benefits Rhodes cyber-scholar ChodeKING bestows on me.
Zack: I'm replacing the tapes in my Mellotron with natural sound from a meat packing plant to foley a porno.
ChodeKING: sweeeeet i am HIGH AS AFUCK RIGHT NOW
Zack: Sounds like you better step away from the Internet.
ChodeKING: PPPPSSSSH whats a meltotron?
Zack: Have you ever seen Ghost Dad?
Zack: It's exactly like Ghost Dad.
ChodeKING: sweeeeeet wanna kno what i am doing
Zack: I want nothing of the sort.
ChodeKING: AAAAH FUCK
Zack: Was your head just run over by a truck?
ChodeKING: LOL WHAT?? no
Zack: Our idiot god turns away from my heartfelt prayers yet again.
ChodeKING: im tryin to get this candybar open
Zack: Maybe I can help. Place the edge of the wrapper between your teeth...
Zack: And now lay your head in front of an oncoming truck.
ChodeKING: LOL i got it brosev
Zack: I suppose pieces of your skull weren't dislodged in the process.
ChodeKING: nerp used my keys
ChodeKING: i held it with one hand and used the keys with another
ChodeKING: the edge uct right in and then i tore it open the rest of the way
ChodeKING: now im chewing on some of it
Zack: Fascinating. I have to go soon but do you think you could text me with updates as it digests?
ChodeKING: its a babyruth had a 3 musketers earlier
Zack: Sounds like a big night at the ChodeKING household. I'd better let you get back to the feast.
ChodeKING: BNZZZZZZTTTT!!! just getfn my snack on
ChodeKING: yo you play ne games?
ChodeKING: you still there?
Zack: Sorry, I was just explaining pet RFIDs to my friend.
ChodeKING: whos that
Zack: He's a cowboy, he just bought a miniature horse and he's afraid it will escape from its cage.
ChodeKING: like a real cowboy
Zack: Yes, he's from the 19th century and he doesn't understand our modern world.
Editor's Note: Due to a freak power outage, this obituary of Barbara Bush was written without the benefit of research. In order to pay our respects to this great woman in a timely fashion, we have decided to post this piece as-is. We hope you forgive any errors on our part.
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