Random messages go with the territory of being an F-list Internet celebrity. Most of the time I ignore or block these random messages. Occasionally they catch me at just the right moment and I respond. Being messaged by a menagerie of the stupidest human beings on earth can sometimes have its benefits. It can also have its anti-benefits. Find out which sort of benefits Rhodes cyber-scholar ChodeKING bestows on me.
Zack: I'm replacing the tapes in my Mellotron with natural sound from a meat packing plant to foley a porno.
ChodeKING: sweeeeet i am HIGH AS AFUCK RIGHT NOW
Zack: Sounds like you better step away from the Internet.
ChodeKING: PPPPSSSSH whats a meltotron?
Zack: Have you ever seen Ghost Dad?
Zack: It's exactly like Ghost Dad.
ChodeKING: sweeeeeet wanna kno what i am doing
Zack: I want nothing of the sort.
ChodeKING: AAAAH FUCK
Zack: Was your head just run over by a truck?
ChodeKING: LOL WHAT?? no
Zack: Our idiot god turns away from my heartfelt prayers yet again.
ChodeKING: im tryin to get this candybar open
Zack: Maybe I can help. Place the edge of the wrapper between your teeth...
Zack: And now lay your head in front of an oncoming truck.
ChodeKING: LOL i got it brosev
Zack: I suppose pieces of your skull weren't dislodged in the process.
ChodeKING: nerp used my keys
ChodeKING: i held it with one hand and used the keys with another
ChodeKING: the edge uct right in and then i tore it open the rest of the way
ChodeKING: now im chewing on some of it
Zack: Fascinating. I have to go soon but do you think you could text me with updates as it digests?
ChodeKING: its a babyruth had a 3 musketers earlier
Zack: Sounds like a big night at the ChodeKING household. I'd better let you get back to the feast.
ChodeKING: BNZZZZZZTTTT!!! just getfn my snack on
ChodeKING: yo you play ne games?
ChodeKING: you still there?
Zack: Sorry, I was just explaining pet RFIDs to my friend.
ChodeKING: whos that
Zack: He's a cowboy, he just bought a miniature horse and he's afraid it will escape from its cage.
ChodeKING: like a real cowboy
Zack: Yes, he's from the 19th century and he doesn't understand our modern world.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.