Huckalerts: What can I do for you?
Jared: i want off your huckabee list
Huckalerts: According to the system here you have already unsubscribed from the Huckaarmy. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Jared: YES I want off your fucking lists
Huckalerts: Ma'am, no need to use vulgarity.
Jared: IM A GUY JUST TAKE ME OFF THE LISTS
Huckalerts: I'm sorry, ma'am. Give me a second and I will have a look.
Huckalerts: Heh, not god, ma'am, just Huckalerts support staff.
Huckalerts: Oookay, I called up your Huckafile and it is telling me you subscribed to the entire Huckawire service, which includes Huckalerts, Huckafacts, Huckaarmy, and Huckajokes.
Jared: nope, never subscriped to anything
Huckalerts: Well, I believe you. We both know how crazy computers and things can get. Let me check your status.
Jared: come on just take me off
Huckalerts: You have a check next to Huckawire, but it won't unclick. Weird.
Jared: can you just fucking take me off the list I gotta go
Huckalerts: Well hang on now, little lady. Don't go blowing up at me. I'm just the messenger.
Huckalerts: Alright, it says here you DID unsubscribe from Huckaarmy. It seems like that's somehow jammed it so you can't unsubscribe from Huckalerts. Let me go ahead and re-subscribe you to Huckaarmy and then when you get the signup message try typing UNSUBSCRIBE.
Huckalerts: No, it's still me, you have to close the window and wait for the message.
Huckalerts: Hi! You're in the army now! The Huckaarmy that is! It's time to take the fight to all of the people in the media and in rival campaigns who want to put a stop to the real vertical leadership Mike Huckabee has to offer.
Current Huckaarmy events in your area of ILLINOIS include:
* UNSUBSCRIBE - PLACEHOLDER EVENT - UNSUBSCRIBE EVENT - TYPE UNSUBSCRIBE TO LEARN MORE
If you have any questions, please type HUCKAHELP.
Huckalerts: You have requested more information about the Huckaarmy event in UNSUBSCRIBE, ILLINOIS.
* THERE IS NO ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ABOUT THIS EVENT!
Thanks for your request! Fight on! If you have any questions, please type HUCKAHELP.
Huckalerts: You are already a member of Huckahelp, Mike Huckabee's volunteer activism group! There are currently NO event updates available.
Remember to visit MikeHuckabee.com and contribute to his campaign
Huckalerts: Did you type HUCKAFUN? Huckafun is a growing community of moms and kids for Mike Huckabee supporting grassroots events and get-togethers all across the United States. If you wish to subscribe to Huckafun then type HUCKAFUN and send us a message!
***Jared has logged off or is no longer available
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.