Huckalerts: What can I do for you?
Jared: i want off your huckabee list
Huckalerts: According to the system here you have already unsubscribed from the Huckaarmy. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Jared: YES I want off your fucking lists
Huckalerts: Ma'am, no need to use vulgarity.
Jared: IM A GUY JUST TAKE ME OFF THE LISTS
Huckalerts: I'm sorry, ma'am. Give me a second and I will have a look.
Huckalerts: Heh, not god, ma'am, just Huckalerts support staff.
Huckalerts: Oookay, I called up your Huckafile and it is telling me you subscribed to the entire Huckawire service, which includes Huckalerts, Huckafacts, Huckaarmy, and Huckajokes.
Jared: nope, never subscriped to anything
Huckalerts: Well, I believe you. We both know how crazy computers and things can get. Let me check your status.
Jared: come on just take me off
Huckalerts: You have a check next to Huckawire, but it won't unclick. Weird.
Jared: can you just fucking take me off the list I gotta go
Huckalerts: Well hang on now, little lady. Don't go blowing up at me. I'm just the messenger.
Huckalerts: Alright, it says here you DID unsubscribe from Huckaarmy. It seems like that's somehow jammed it so you can't unsubscribe from Huckalerts. Let me go ahead and re-subscribe you to Huckaarmy and then when you get the signup message try typing UNSUBSCRIBE.
Huckalerts: No, it's still me, you have to close the window and wait for the message.
Huckalerts: Hi! You're in the army now! The Huckaarmy that is! It's time to take the fight to all of the people in the media and in rival campaigns who want to put a stop to the real vertical leadership Mike Huckabee has to offer.
Current Huckaarmy events in your area of ILLINOIS include:
* UNSUBSCRIBE - PLACEHOLDER EVENT - UNSUBSCRIBE EVENT - TYPE UNSUBSCRIBE TO LEARN MORE
If you have any questions, please type HUCKAHELP.
Huckalerts: You have requested more information about the Huckaarmy event in UNSUBSCRIBE, ILLINOIS.
* THERE IS NO ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ABOUT THIS EVENT!
Thanks for your request! Fight on! If you have any questions, please type HUCKAHELP.
Huckalerts: You are already a member of Huckahelp, Mike Huckabee's volunteer activism group! There are currently NO event updates available.
Remember to visit MikeHuckabee.com and contribute to his campaign
Huckalerts: Did you type HUCKAFUN? Huckafun is a growing community of moms and kids for Mike Huckabee supporting grassroots events and get-togethers all across the United States. If you wish to subscribe to Huckafun then type HUCKAFUN and send us a message!
***Jared has logged off or is no longer available
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.