Oh
good, it gets worse
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 18 - 2:18 AM
By Emily "Integral" Reigel
I hate Rich's ideas. Every single one of them is complete trash that a grade school dropout would come up with while shooting up glue. "The haunter becomes the haunted"? What kind of crap is that? I would be explaining in painful detail just how much I want to pack my bags and get out of this cursed universe he lives in, but I'm too busy listening to him fart nonstop. Seriously, all he does is fart all day, every day. If he had one redeeming characteristic, and annoying traits were considered to be redeeming, his nonstop gas attack would be it and it alone. I'd stick a cork up his grotesque ass, but I'm afraid to get within a 15-foot radius of that thing. If I ever find that gypsy who cursed us to be together forever, I'll tear her limb from limb and implant mosquito eggs into her brain. I don't know if you guys know this story or not, but I was out driving around a year or so ago, and I ran over this gypsy lady's husband. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "you shall suffer for this and you shall suffer in the worst way possible. YOU WILL BECOME ENGAGED TO A WEBMASTER." At that point I blacked out and when I woke up, there was some fat acne-stained tub of sweat hovering over me. I haven't been able to leave this God-forsaken trash heap apartment since, and he keeps me trapped here, watching Lifetime Network movies nonstop. You want to experience hell, folks? Come swing by Washington some time! If I could only lure him outside, I could easily shove him over the railing... oh, who am I kidding? He wouldn't come outside if there was a free donut train parked there.