I really need to speak to you...K?
I am afraid that due to the aforementioned reasons, I will not be able to speak to you via phone. Mr. Leonard Crabs, my head attorney, has informed me that all communication must be performed over email. There is also a darker, most sinister reason behind this.
Truth be told, every time I talk to somebody over the phone, Leonard stands in the background and actively mocks me by shouting "devil penis!" every time I attempt to speak. As you can imagine, this makes for some very convoluted and confusing phone calls. With this in mind, I must ask you to limit your dialogue with me to email. This will also allow me to keep copies of the letters for tax purposes, because "Big Brother" is always trying to horn in on my business. I hope you understand.
-Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
OK meet me in IRC on irc.enterthegame.com #planetquake3
I would love to, but unfortunately they do not make an IRC client for my operating system, Jeffque v.40. I am forced to use this OS because I used to use Windows, but it did not offer support for the CAD / CAM programs I have to use for my fulltime job (I design hanggliders and fireproof weather balloons). I will not be able to join your chatroom on IRC, but will have to settle for communicating via email. Please direct any concerns / questions you have for me here.
-Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This is the crown jewel of my erotic lamp collection, and a must-have for any serious pleasure lamp collector.
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
Many people love to threaten to sue us. Luckily we have both Leonard "J." Crabs and common sense on our side, thus enabling us to easily defeat such trivialities. Remember - when you're on the Internet, you can threaten to sue for anything!