scarlet is on my list. you see when me and bristol agreed to get married we each made a list of like 1570 celebrities we were allowed to cheat with. Ya'll would be surprised what qualifies as a celebrity.#4 fucking scarlet johnston emailing obamna WTF: America is sick and FUCKIMG tired of hollywood liberals sipping latays and trying to sound smart when really theyr all dumb as hell. Who cares barbara strisand? Oh shit is that fucking alec baldwin? Let me get my pencil I got to write this shit down and put it in an encyclopedia of smart shit or some shit!! LOL!

The worst is scarlet johnston who I saw on TV alan combs said was sending emails to barack obamna. Okay. I'll be the first to admit that I would eat a hot dook burger from scarlet johnstons butthole. She is fine as fuck and, oh shit, you know I just rememberd I saw her in that movie. Fuck. What was it? I saw a thing about it on axis hollywood. It was like Carol Mandy Barcelona Pamplona or some shit.

I saw they said "coming up next a sneak peek at the steamy scene between scarlet johnston and" then the other chick was that one Mexican girl from bandidas. The skinny one not the one with the tits that was in wild wild west. I had a hockey scrimmage so I missed that sneak peek but then I told Bodie yo bro you know that hot chick from that weird ass bill murray movie your mom likes? and he was like "yeop" and I was like "axis hollywood totally said her new movie has a scene with her licking that mexican bitches clit like right in the open full frontal shit" so we hauled ass to the theater and checked that shit out. Here's the levi johnston review:

0 out of 6 stars

Gayest fucking bullshit movie ever. Its like ten thousand hours long with talking and then scarlet johnston kisses the mexican girl for five seconds. Its terrible. not even a halfway boner. Found out later it was made by that little tiny jewish guy with the glasses who made bananas which is SWEET AS FUCK so I dont know what went wrong

so OF COURSE that bitch supports obamna.

FINaL FACT NUMBER FIVE OF OMBAMNA: Obamnas secret birth certificate. Okay, this is real shit I just uncovered myself. So you may have heard obama wasnt born in america which means he cant be president. Thats number one, but he put out some fake ass birth certificate that aint real saying he WAS born in America and everybody believed it. OPEN YOUr EYES! WAKE UP!

Okay, so thats fine and dandy case closed.......except! Check this shit out:


Notice anything funny? Check up by Barack Osamnas moms name. Notice anything? Ill spell it out. His moms name was STANLEY. You see that shit now? Barack obamnas mom was a DUDE!!!

How is that possibly even legal? Like even a little bit? We might as well elect a moose or a frigging otter president. I mean shit, babies from a dude? Elect some bad ass shit like a tiger or one of those giant squids that wash up in Japan. Fucking giant ass squid will fuck some shit up. He would go down to Spain and be all like "yo homeslices, where the fuck your oil?" and theyd be like "the fuck????" and he would just fucking wrap them up in those stringy arms they got and eat their asses completely. Then he would call in the army and they would start drilling that shit like crazy. Drilling it like I drilled bristol last night. Dont even got to worry about no jimmy hats no more because bitch is pregnant as fuck.

you aint better than me. not in ne way obamn!!After we did it she was like "you think this baby is gonna be a retard too?" and I was like PSSSSSH dont even worry. That first one came out all crazy because it came out sideways. Im not letting that shit happen again. I will get all my niggers in there with pullies and shit and winches and we will haul that fucker out so his head isn't all crazy and she was like "that isn't how it works."

WHATEVER!

Oh and BONUS BULLSHIT. You all seen how arrogant Obama is? I got this picture of him like "hhmmmmm" like he is the top professor of nerdson university. I would put him into the plexiglass like I was pressing hams on the bus.

He even flipped off Hillary clinton on youtube. I saw that shit, some dude in class showed it to me a while back. It was like "sometimes hillary gets down periodically" or some shit and then he itched his face but with his middle finger.

Is that the sort of dude we want as president? Some email hijacker who will flip off a lady in teh middle of a speech?

Its pretty disgusting. I don't think its what we need at all.

– Levi "HOckey" Johnston

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About This Column

Levi "HOckey" Johnston is a pro writer now and hockey expert since forever. He comments regularly on family life, politics, Alaska, hockey, vag, babies, babes, 4x4s, hunting, and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, and he was engaged to Bristol Palin and had one (two) kids with her, so...I can put anything here? He also fights like a devil and pounds poon like a demon. He's pretty much unbelievable. His life is a raw adventure to the root.

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