Playgirl photoshoot was super easy. Just take a shower and look at shit like a camera and a picture of a lady's butt and then they did the rest. Although in real life it was in color. Don't know if they messed up or what.Yo I wasn't even planning to update this shit until next year because I have been so busy with playgirl stuff and signing autographs and doing models and cocaine. JK about the cocaine that is ghetto shit I am in the players club now I am doing rich people drugs like botox shots and these fucking biotic shakes that you drink that are actually alive when you drink them. Fucked up and they taste nasty, but if you mix them 50/50 with some bacardi you will see shit.

Tank gave me a bunch of botox shots in my arm last week but all it did was make it so I couldn't turn my arm all the way and then this big blister formed and turned yellow, but then it went away so I'm not worried even though my arms still sorta tingles.

Anyway, yall when I got to check on my emails I go to the yahoo webpage and the thing is when you go on that fucking gay site it logs you onto some yahoo messager thing. That means anyone who wants to can just pop up a little box and start talking shit to me.

Mostly it's these Palin ladies who got super pissed at me when I registered on their website to tell them all to STFU. Now they won't leave me alone, so what I decided to do was punk them. So then I went on yahoo and they started messaging me nagging about whatever nonsense about tomatoes getting throwed at mrs. palin and tork disrepecting todd or something, fuck, I don't know.

Here's some of my prank messages I sent them.

Nancyts: Levi are you there?

hockey.johnston: This is dr. bals

Nancyts: ???

hockey.johnston: Dr. hugh bals, what can I do for you?

Nancyts: why is your name hockey johnston?

hockey.johnston: DO YOU LIKE BALLS!?! LMAO

*****Nancyts has disconnected.


That one didn't go so well, but it's still funny. I totally fooled another lady into thinking I was a diet guru selling this program called GUTS. She had NO CLUE!!

Ahhh fuck. I was eating! Goddamn why do I do this to myself. Imagine waking up and this is at the foot of your bed. I'd rather look up and see the communion alien peek out from my cabinets.KarryanneW: is this really levi johnston?

hockey.johnston: Hi yes, I am representing a company called GUTS. We fix your guts.

hockey.johnston: I can tell from your fat typing that youre a fat lady.

KarryanneW: my husband calls me pleasingly plump

hockey.johnston: to your face lol

hockey.johnston: I can help with your fat guts though on my new program

hockey.johnston: its a diet and exercise program

KarryanneW: do you have a website

hockey.johnston: wtf no i had a myspace but the media blew that out of proportion so fuck that

hockey.johnston: no websites are stupid for babies and nerds

KarryanneW: you don't have to be so nasty

hockey.johnston: don't tell me what to do don't tell me

hockey.johnston: don't even try

hockey.johnston: you should be glad I'm taking time to mess around with you

hockey.johnston: do you have any idea the sort of pussy I could be gettin right now?

KarryanneW: no

hockey.johnston: shit it is like one of those movies where they got like 20 dudes in a stadium and then they use a computer to clone them into like 20,000 dudes all cheering

hockey.johnston: that is the level of game I am playing Karrayanned

hockey.johnston: wtf kind of bullshit name is that anyway

hockey.johnston: karryannew

hockey.johnston: are you gay or just retarded?

KarryanneW: you're not levi johnston

hockey.johnston: say that again I dare you

hockey.johnston: I swear to god above I will come out of this computer, pull your shirt over your face, and knee your nose until I see some red shroud of turin shit start on your front

hockey.johnston: seriously karryannwe, why do you hate yourself? its only you hurting you being fat and dumb as fuck

hockey.johnston: wise up

*****Karryannew has disconnected.


Owned that dumb broad. Seriously.

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About This Column

Levi "HOckey" Johnston is a pro writer now and hockey expert since forever. He comments regularly on family life, politics, Alaska, hockey, vag, babies, babes, 4x4s, hunting, and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, and he was engaged to Bristol Palin and had one (two) kids with her, so...I can put anything here? He also fights like a devil and pounds poon like a demon. He's pretty much unbelievable. His life is a raw adventure to the root.

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