I also got an email from some dude from some justjared website. His email was way old from when I was talking about New York. For some reason he thought my email was Tank wtf.

From:Justin Campbell
To:
[email protected]
Subject: Just Jared Interview Request

Tank,

My name is Justin Campbell, I work for justjared.com. Our site has covered and promoted Levi since he came into the spotlight. We would love to interview Levi and do a story on him while he is still in New York. I've listed my contact info below. Please get back to me asap either by phone or email and let me know if there is any interest.

- Justin



I took out Justin's cell phone number and private email address he also included. I did some dude dillgents on this dude and the website and found out it is pretty much some paparazzi website. Which is cool big ups to those dudes. And I was just looking at some of justin's pictures and even his recent ones are awesome. You ever heard of Abbie Cornish? Goddang:

That dude knows how to take a zoom picture of a sweet pair of buns if you know what I'm saying. I wanted on this dude's good side.

From: Me
To: Justin dude
Subject: RE: Just Jared Interview Request

Hey yo Justin how is it going. It's levi. I think I remember you from one of my NY events. You were the nice dude with the fauxhawk and the red chinos, right? I was the dude looking like james bond dipped in solid gold pimp sauce with that model from Russia whose name I could never say.

I know this email is pretty frigging old but I am hopefully gonna come to new york to do a media junket for my tv show and if that don't work out fuck it I'll just hit up ny because I love meeting cool people.

I was wondering if you wanted to hang out the next time I came. I never could find some rowdy dudes who like to party like me and the boys back home. Pretty much I am gonna need some things. Namely some tall boys something good like silver bullet or miller. None of this fat tire stella artoire shit. Need a cooler. Need a jeep preferably one that we can wreck without any problem. Need a couple girls, they don't have to be super hot but they need to be serious sluts. The kind who will turn on some rap station and get up on your hood and strip when you park by a retention pond.

Oh and big bonus if you know of any of those lesbian bondage clubs michael steel was at. If not that's cool too.I can settle for a basement apartment where we eat churros and drink sangria and watch a puerto rican girl pee on a cat.

Gonna need some shotguns. Prefer 10 gauge so we can shoot at rocks. IF you can still get those cop killer shells I heard those are awesome if you shoot melons with them. You and just so you dont get the wrong idea I am 100% against killing cops. Cops rule as long as they aren't fucking with you. I had an NYPD hat ever since 9/11 that the palins gave me. Smells like weed now but the semitent stands.

Oh and cocaine. Probably about half a pound. If you can get a whole pound I will send you some photos I took on my phone of me blowing weed smoke in tripps face.

Anyway hit me up with whatever. Tank doesn't read this shit like he's supposed to or would have replied sooner.

PEACE!


The only other email I can really think of was this short one from this dude named Trevor who just wanted me to check out this ben folds five song.


I mean okay first off it came out like a year ago (sorry I don't read supergaynerd.net) and I never even heard about it. So way to go ben folds dude you are now on a rung lower than that kathy lady with the scary face who I actually went on TV with and you're lower than that gabber baby guys I didn't even understand their song but at least I heard of it.

Right now I'm not even into that shit. I'm starting to get into this really spiritual rock and rap group. My buddy Dave turned me onto them and they've got some powerful lyrics that make me think about how, like, the structure of the universe like mirrors an atom and how nature repeats. It's called chaos theory and you can look it up on game faqs.

Here's the song:

Yes. I am down with the clown fyi.

DARK CARNIVAL BITCHES!

PEACE 2 JESUS!

– Levi "HOckey" Johnston

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About This Column

Levi "HOckey" Johnston is a pro writer now and hockey expert since forever. He comments regularly on family life, politics, Alaska, hockey, vag, babies, babes, 4x4s, hunting, and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, and he was engaged to Bristol Palin and had one (two) kids with her, so...I can put anything here? He also fights like a devil and pounds poon like a demon. He's pretty much unbelievable. His life is a raw adventure to the root.

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