Tyro wanted my shit and she kept touching me which was messing me up. She may not be hot anymore but she is a tough interviewer.I tell you what, on my second visit I was rolling a joint and I just told Tripp to hold the papers for a minute while I got the baggie open and they flipped their shit. I was like shit he is almost one he can hold a fucking zig zag for five seconds without dying of Sids. Then I tried to fight Todd just because his face was looking extra gay but I accidentally stepped on Tripp's foot a little bit and he was crying, but mostly because he was hungry not because his foot.
Fuck that. Of course Mrs. Palin and Bristol and all of those faggots are happy as hell to let me take Trix wherever. They let him out of his pen and he comes running for me cause he knows I don't fucking look down on him. They are all putting him in a beyorn and carrying him around like he don't know shit, but I am like "dude here is a jar of mayo get to work on that shit when you're hungry." And sure enough he has chewed through the lid when I come back the next morning and all of the mayo is gone.
I'm teaching him to jump too. Fucker is gonna jump high as hell. I hung some porkchops on the ceiling and you can just hear his little feet on the floor and his little jaws snapping. Usually give him about an hour until he starts rolling around and crying and then I cut them down and let him have the chops. It's hard work for the little fucker, but he ain't gonna get no education not any other way. The Palins don't give a crap.
Got no idea what the fuck I was thinking or saying in this part. Probably some shit about how life is a highway and I'm gonna ride it all night long.So after Tyro I went on GMA which stands for something about America. I guess it's a faggot show faggots watch or moms or whatever. They asked me some shit but I was high as fuck when I went on there and I think I said I would kill them or something. I don't know, did that shit even air? Who the fuck even watches GMA that's why Obama gave them a bailout and told them to fuck off.
And then last night I heard I was on Overmand. He's this dude who fucks with me all the time. He's got the worst person in the world and he always says some bad shit about me like I DUIed into a school or something.
That dude is such a pecker. I think his show is about him and Bill O'Reilly fighting. I heard him say something about ratings and Sean Hannity who is my MAIN nigger or was until just recently when like everything the Palins ruined our bromance. Hannity was gonna buy matching snow machines and come hunt some fucking reindeer. He's not a good hunter but he's part of some club where they just tie whatever to a tree and then you come by and shoot it in the head.
But that aside the point. Fuck the palins I guess is my main message. My secondary message is give me back my son!!!! And I guess if I have to have a thirdiary message it is bros before hos I guess.
Annnnnyway, fuck you!
LEVI FUCKING JOHNSTON!
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Levi "HOckey" Johnston is a pro writer now and hockey expert since forever. He comments regularly on family life, politics, Alaska, hockey, vag, babies, babes, 4x4s, hunting, and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, and he was engaged to Bristol Palin and had one (two) kids with her, so...I can put anything here? He also fights like a devil and pounds poon like a demon. He's pretty much unbelievable. His life is a raw adventure to the root.