Kamoc of the Goon Ckrew had a lot of fun mingling with the community of PlaneShift. He had so much fun, in fact, that I ended up with almost too much material for this section.
As mentioned before, the developers of Planeshift decided to include the most annoying feature of the original Everquest: actually having to talk to NPCs. Instead of clicking on them and receiving a quest, you have to actually say, "GIVE ME QUEST." I know they were going for some kind of realistic role playing environment but since the system is based off a few key words, you end up with everyone running around talking like mongoloids. Another side effect of this system comes in with Kamoc who got confused and scared. Here is Kamoc's story.
Toyboat Toyboat began life in the wondrous tutorialworldland where he spent a whopping 30 fucking minutes trying to figure out just what the fuck. I got to the part where you are tasked with putting a piece of rock on a brick oven and waiting for "a few minutes" for it to turn into a pizza or something. Six minutes later I was beginning to think I was doing it wrong, which caused a tiger-man to appear.
Aiken says: hello
Toyboat says: hi
Aiken says: a problem with the furnace?
Toyboat says: yes
You gotta give the developers credit: they know where they have gameplay problems. It's neat that they added an NPC to help you with the furnace.
Aiken says: can you right click on the furnace?
Toyboat says: yes
Aiken says: do you geta group of icons with the centre icon being an eye?
Aiken says: the eye opens the furnace
Toyboat says: yes
>Toyboat Toyboat picked up an Iron Ore
Toyboat says: give me a quest
Aiken says: I don't give quests
Toyboat says: Give me help.
Aiken says: I can help you, depends what the problem is
Aiken says: in this case you need to get the ore into the furnace and wait about 1 minute for it to melt
Toyboat says: abeila sent me.
Aiken says: I am not a npc
Kamoc (or Toyboat) had stumbled upon some form of AI that we thought had not existed--- that which is self aware. Had Planeshift figured out the pinnacle of advance artificial intelligence (A.A.I.)? Will they be responsible for SKYNET and the end of mankind? Kamoc had to find out.
At some point, he was contacted by an "A.A.I." robot so advanced that it was programmed to be stupid.
Kunevie tells you: i find pm! we can talk far now.
Kunevie tells you: u know how 2 start guild like Wow? my mom wont buy wow 4 my no more.
Kunevie tells you: were u go?we cn buddy up an kill mobs?
Kunevie tells you: u can here me?
You tell Kunevie: give me a quest
Kunevie tells you: ok i give you 1 when i find 1
Kunevie tells you: how u talk 2 npcs in this game? abut stuff dont work.
You tell Kunevie: 011010100011110100101
Kunevie tells you: i dont no biari
Kunevie tells you: i know a littel java.
Before Kamoc could experience the wonders of this A.I., he somehow died and entered the "Death Realm." With no way of escape, Toyboat remained in this horrid place as Kamoc created another character named "Shredded Wheat".
Shredded says: give me quest
Shredded says: tell me WHAT TO DO
Keodoro says: you have two guys to talk and they are NPCs
Shredded says: what is NPC
Keodoro says: im a human player
>Shredded Wheats lets out a hearty laugh!
Another A.I. that has developed cognition! I became intrigued yet again and began to talk to it in its native tongue:
Shredded says: what is 0001110101011100011
Keodoro says: talk with that NPC and ask him to give you a quest
Shredded says: give me A QUEST
Keodoro says: select Loren Chama
Shredded says: okay
Keodoro says: and type: gibe me a quest
Shredded says: gibe me a quest
Keodoro says: give*
Shredded says: give*
Keodoro says: oops
Shredded says: oops
Keodoro says: enjoy the game
Shredded says: okay
Eventually Kamoc was contacted by a "dungeon master" NPC (Rayken) that tried to prevent him from playing. This is the last chat log we have before Kamoc/Toyboat/Shredded disappeared forever.
You tell Rayken: what is major malfunction?
Rayken tells you: next one is ban
You tell Rayken: how to ignore Rayken
You tell Rayken: what is Waste of Time?
You tell Rayken: Answer: PlaneShift
You tell Rayken: Error!
Rayken tells you: good then you won't mind this
You tell Rayken: C: /dd//ddd
You tell Rayken: 011010101100010110011
Rayken tells you: i'm glad we came to a mutually gratifying decision
You tell Rayken: 01010110100101101010100011
You tell Rayken: 1000101010101010101010101
You tell Rayken: 01010101010010101010
You tell Rayken: 10101010101010101010101
You tell Rayken: 1010101010101010101010101
You tell Rayken: 1010101010101010100010011001
You tell Rayken: Restarting...
You tell Rayken: Hi gibe me a quest
Rest in peace my good friend and first victim of advanced artificial intelligence. Rest in peace.
Normally I do not post chat logs this long in my articles but if you were not scared off by this one, I suggest you check out both of Karmoc's posts. If you have an unnatural fear of chat logs, however, then you should have just skipped this page altogether. Oops!
For killing my friend I will have to give the PlaneShift community -10 points.
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
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