Livestock: tom i'm going to waterboard a dog
Moof: DO NOT WATERBOARD THAT DOG
Livestock: I'M GOING TO WATERBOARD A DOG TOM
Moof: DO NOT
Livestock: TOM THE TOWEL IS OVER THE DOG'S HEAD
Livestock: I'VE GOT HIS WATER BOWL
Moof: JOSH STOP
Moof: STOP WATERBOARDING THAT DOG
Livestock: I AM POURING THE WATER BOWL ON THE DOG'S HEAD
Moof: STOP IT RIGHT NOW
Livestock: TOM HE IS REVEALING SECRETS
Livestock: BONES BURIED
Livestock: IN THE
Livestock: HE IS GUILTY
Moof: NO JOSH
Livestock: tom justice is served
Moof: you are going to jail for this
Livestock: tom i am using advanced interrogation techniques on an otter
Moof: jsoh what kind of techniques...
Moof: josh do you mean TORTURE
Livestock: tom i am simply going to electrocute it slowly
Moof: NO JOSH
Moof: DO NOT ELECTROCUTE THAT OTTER
Livestock: TOM IT IS FOR AMERICA
Moof: NO JOSH
Livestock: justice is served
Moof: you're a fool
Moof: YOU'RE A FOOL
Livestock: salmon for dinner tonight tom
Livestock: the fish
Livestock: the salmon fish i mean
Moof: that is the #1 fish!!!
Livestock: TOM: AGREED
Moof: world famous!!!
Livestock: i'm glad you know of it, tom
Livestock: you'd be missing out otherwise
Moof: i would be!!
Livestock: but you're not
Livestock: tom i'd like our conversations to be set in an alternate reality where, in the 1970s, an apocalypse destroyed most of america and gave rise to a new age of wizards, super science, and fierce gladiator battles.
Moof: josh i will be a wizard
Livestock: tom i will be a super-scientist
Moof: very well
Livestock: tom as a super-scientist i find your silly rituals and incantations to be laughable
Moof: josh i turn you into a hog
Livestock: TOM SHALL we discuss the formal rules that govern when a gentleman may wear a suit
Livestock: or rather, a commonman
Livestock: as a gentleman is always suited
Livestock: i will start tom, as you seem a bit preoccupied at the moment
Livestock: a commonman must always wear a suit on the first day of school
Livestock: or when visiting a museum
Livestock: or when visiting a bank or banking machine
Moof: yes josh that is correct
Livestock: when inspecting a mine
Livestock: is another one
Moof: when tending to a hurt goose
Livestock: when participating in or observing a parade
Moof: when operating an automobile
Livestock: a fancy automobile
Livestock: tractors excluded
Moof: when observing the construction of a bridge
Livestock: at a sporting event
Livestock: when attending the grand opening of a new business
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
Moof and Livestock discuss life, love, human nature, and all the most important issues affecting humanity.