The deadliest place to relax.
The reality: Bathtubs and showers are dangerous places, but Hollywood has it all wrong. While you're on the lookout for an alien threat or a shark to appear in your grimy bath water, the real dangers are falling and electrocution. Take your safety advice from Final Destination, the most realistic of all Hollywood safety films. It warns us of the dangers of strangulation in the shower and also the risk of being smashed into bits of gore by a crane on the 4th of July, two of America's leading killers.
The genetic scrapheap of America.
The reality: Hollywood's portrayal is completely accurate. The American South is a swamp version of Mad Max where black people are hunted for sport and instead of cars they drive those boats with the big fans on the back.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
It is said the Lord did write upon the sky, "Only the Most Awful shall be cataloged herein." And a wind did come and blow away the words and turn them into a skull. And the writers did fall upon their knees and give thanks, for yea, the Most Awful was good. Thus the lists were born. Read them, sons and daughters, and be strong.