Trillaphon: 'Cause she's a rock-et-woman...rocketwoman!
Hydrogen: Oh come on, you don't get to strap your protagonist to a gigantic tube of high explosives going 8000 mph and then just cut to her safely standing on the ground again with no explanation.
Trillaphon: Sure you can. This is an avant-garde new form of action movie called "imaginaction," where you jump over all of the interesting parts on purpose. The only limit to the heart-stopping action is your creativity!
Hydrogen: This is like Star Wars if Luke and company had cut from being nearly crushed in a trash compactor to getting medals and laughing with Chewie.
Trillaphon: Ripley stumbles onto the gigantic queen alien, smash cut to everyone safely on a spaceship flying away.
Hydrogen: Neo says "We need guns. Lots of guns." Huge racks of assault rifles come wooshing in. Cut to the ice cream parlor, where he and Morpheus are enjoying frosty chocolate milkshakes.
Trillaphon: This is all distracting us from whatever is going on at the beginning of the clip. Do people usually flash back to neo-classical architecture tours right before takeoff?
Hydrogen: I think the answer to that question lies in the extensive list of on-location shots for a movie that's exclusively set in a featureless desert and in front of a green screen.
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
This is where the excerpt from an article usually goes. Since the content of this update is only intended for cool people, I refuse to place a single word in the path of blundering normal people.
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.