Hydrogen: It really enhances my experience of the retarded Boston cowboy cop that half the time when he talks he sounds like a young Bernie Sanders with a severe head cold.
Trillaphon: Why does the hardboiled bag of cliches wear a lethal cowboy hat/fedora hybrid on the Boston police force again?
Hydrogen: If you think that his character is hilarious now, wait until you find out that his name is “John Danks” and he spends the entire movie sitting around doing jack shit.
Trillaphon: What are you talking about, he’s super active at his job. He comes to investigate the complaint of two people being dragged down into a meteor crater and murdered by walking into a random lecture hall for a couple of minutes, then saying “Welp, we’ll let you know if we find anything, but I suspect it was you” and leering creepily for a couple of minutes before driving away.
Hydrogen: Given the thorough lack of police response to the smoking meteor crater at the beginning, I don’t know what they were expecting really. “Nah, it’s cool, we’ll let the half-assed humanities professor and the disgruntled janitor deal with it.”
Trillaphon: You mean the janitor who goes missing for three days, during which nobody bothers to check his office and notice that half of it is covered in shattered masonry and there’s a giant monster-shaped hole in the wall? Especially not the veteran homicide detective who came to investigate a missing person case for him specifically?
Hydrogen: Ah, wicked fuck.
We're not going to solve gun massacres with bad manners, people.
A sign proclaiming "BACTA: DA FUTURE" marks the town's medical clinic
1998: I upload dave.pcx, and change the course of history
Set goals for yourself, and fulfill them. Absurd! Only in video games!
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.