Trillaphon: Man, I never knew that UMass Amherst had hundreds of miles of pre-Crusades crypts and tunnels underneath it. No wonder they always score so high in the Princeton Review.
Hydrogen: Are they all learning to walk again after having their legs blown off in Vietnam? Jesus Christ, I’ve seen wheelchairs move faster uphill.
Hydrogen: Also, there’s six of them, and not only can they not even hit the ten-foot-tall lumbering monstrosity, they somehow manage to shoot each other?
Trillaphon: It’s fine, they’ll just come back and plant a gun and a crack pipe on the monster later.
Hydrogen: What do you think this is, L.A.?
Trillaphon: Shit, you’re right - they’ll probably have to plant a Mooninite on him somewhere too.
Hydrogen: Let’s just step back for a moment and dwell on the fact that the Boston PD is missing an entire SWAT team in these stupid sewers for 2/3 of this movie, and nobody even notices or cares. Least of all their lead fucking homicide detective, who still somehow believes that Professor Crapped-His-Pleats is responsible for taking all of them out.
Trillaphon: In his mind, that professor guy is basically John Wick at this point. And he himself is the highly anticipated sequel John Wick 2, which he foolishly believes will be as good as or better than the original.
Hydrogen: Very foolish.
Grimy horror growler Rob Zombie's scariest music videos finally ranked to warn your children.
As your manager, I couldn't help but notice that productivity is a little low this month, and I think we can leverage this zombie situation to strengthen our teamwork skills.
1998: I upload dave.pcx, and change the course of history
Set goals for yourself, and fulfill them. Absurd! Only in video games!
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.