> MAXIMUM ROMANCE ACHIEVED. ENGAGE RANDOM SCIENCE EPIGRAPH WHICH WILL HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE REST OF THE MOVIE.
> QUOTATION COMPLETE. OUR HERO IS DRIVING TO WORK AS A JANITOR
> OF THE FUTURE. DO NOT ASK WHY HE IS DRIVING A BEIGE 1984 PLYMOUTH RELIANT SEDAN WHEN THERE ARE FLYING JET BUSES ALL AROUND, HE JUST IS. REMINDER: YOU ARE THE ONE WHO SELECTED MICHAEL DUDIKOFF.
> SELECT CHARACTER FLAW:
> YOU HAVE SELECTED “CRUSHING PAIN OF EXISTING ANOTHER DAY AS MICHAEL DUDIKOFF”. SELECT COPING MECHANISM:
> ABILITY UNLOCKED: SUPERHUMAN ALCOHOLISM. YOU ARRIVE AT WORK FOR A LEISURELY MORNING OF WATCHING PORNOGRAPHIC HOLOGRAMS IN THE BROOM CLOSET. WHOEVER RUNS THIS PLACE HAS EVEN WORSE TASTE IN PORNOGRAPHY THAN THE GUY FROM RECON 2022.
> WARNING! TERRORISTS ARE INVADING YOUR
SAIGON WHOREHOUSE OFFICE BUILDING, LOOKING FOR SOME KIND OF SUPER COMPUTER VIRUS. A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS: BARBADIAN PRINCE WESLEY SNIPES.
> HE TALKS WITH A JAMAICAN ACCENT, PROBABLY BECAUSE THE DIRECTOR THINKS ALL BLACK PEOPLE ARE FROM THE SAME COUNTRY. ELIMINATE WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE (Y/N)?
> -10 POINTS. REASON: RACISM. HATE CRIME COMMENCING:
> NOBODY INTERRUPTS MICHAEL DUDIKOFF’S EROTIC SELF-INPUT/OUTPUT SESSION, AND LIVES.
We're not going to solve gun massacres with bad manners, people.
The guns are gone. Now what happens to all those paper targets? Don't tell me you forgot about the paper targets. The ones hanging from little clips on fancy clotheslines at shooting ranges. With no guns to destroy these legions of paper bastards, they go unchecked.
A sign proclaiming "BACTA: DA FUTURE" marks the town's medical clinic
1998: I upload dave.pcx, and change the course of history
Set goals for yourself, and fulfill them. Absurd! Only in video games!
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.